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The Knowledge of Good and Evil is What You Learn from a Psychopath. — 47 Comments

  1. Mnav, yes, this is a POWERFUL ARTICLE….and you know Satan got NOTHING OUT OF THIS BETRAYAL except to SEE someone else FALL…many psychopaths are the same way and it is all about “control” and “winning” even when winning has no “prize” other than to say “I won” or “I hurt you” WTF?

    As for the psychopath feeling “shame” I think when they lose they feel “something” but I’m not sure it is shame.

    Shame is defined as the guilt-like feeling we have when we are exposed PUBLICALLY or are afraid we will be exposed so everyone will know what bad thing we have done, or how inadequate we are. Since the psychopath doesn’t have a conscience, in other words too feel bad about what s/he has done I don’t think to name what they feel when they lose is “shame” but more along the lines of “embarrassment” or just plain RAGE at losing.

    I think feeling true “shame” requires a conscience where as embarrassment at being found out or losing is an entirely different “critter”

    The victim may feel shame though if they have empathy, and many victims do have empathy and feel shame and guilt for BEING abused. Though I have seen cases where two psychopaths hooked up and in the ensuing fight the loser styled themselves as a “victim” when in fact, the two were found to be CO-abusers. and the FAKE victim was as bad or worse as the psychopath who bested them. LOL (head shaking here)

    One “sign” that this is the case may be when the “victim” talks GLEEFULLY about what they have done to revenge themselves on the psychopath….it is actually the MASK FALLING and the “duping delight” of the psychopath showing through. True we may all want revenge at one time or another, but we don’t display that “duping delight” if we have a conscience.

    Glad you escaped Mnav, I know it was not easy. It never is. God bless.

  2. oh, well, I don’t consider myself escaped. I have kids. we are in for a rough ride, still. in some ways, it’s worse now. it was easier for him to control me when he lived with me. now he is escalating. and I have to protect my kids.

    I know what you are saying about them not having a conscience or really feeling shame. I guess I can imagine that at one time they did, but it was so horrific that something snapped and they never felt shame again, substituting it instead with the addiction to a scapegoat. my spath was sexually abused, producing the shame and a sudden change in personality.

    • Mnav,
      I agree that they are being driven by internal shame but they don’t feel the shame. Those feelings we deny are the ones that control us the most. This is what the shame researcher Helen Block Lewis wrote about. She could see the shame episodes and the reactions to shame but the shame itself was not acknowledged. Instead, it was reacted to with anger or dismissal.

      We can know those feelings are in the spath because they try so desperately to slime us with them. How could they know how to slime us with shame, if they were not familiar with them, themselves?

      But they will never allow themselves to feel the shame, it’s too unbearable.

      Even when they speak of shame, I don’t think they are completely able to feel it, except in the most shallow possible way and for a very tiny moment in time.

      • Sky, I don’t believe that spaths “feel” shame more than they can sense it in others. They definitely slime their targets with shame, but here’s what makes me believe that they don’t even experience shame, on any level: they justify their behaviors with such glib ease, and never truly express contrition or remorse for their actions. Their apologies are hollow, shallow, and empty words that they mimic like parrots. “Sorry that happened. Sorry that happened. Sorry that happened. SQUAWK!”

        For me, personally, my shame-core beliefs were so deeply ingrained and it was obvious, apparent, and evident that I was NEEDY. I didn’t know this, nor did I realize that this neediness existed. I just thought that I cared too much. But, I cared about being accepted, validated, approved-of, and loved to the extent that I would tolerate every outrageous and audacious treatment in the faulty belief that my “love” would be reciprocated, likewise. At some point, the person that I cared about would realize just how much I cared about them and loved them and that they would WANT to change themselves in response to this “love.”

        So, where I’m concerned, personally, I believe that it was my own shame-core that toxic people recognized (Chapter 4, Section 7 in the “Handbook Of Sociopathy”) and were able to exploit to their own ends. Men and women recognized this, so it must have pretty much been tattooed on my forehead, “Perfect Source Target.”

        Today, I am so disengaged that I get concerned – I do not want to let anyone in, and I have no desire to trust anyone. I’m working on swinging that pendulum back into center and it’s a challenge. For my entire life, I never “knew” what “normal” was, so I’m working on reaching that understanding where I’m concerned.

      • Truthy,
        I agree that the spaths do not FEEL any shame at all. Their behaviors are a reaction against ever feeling any amount of shame. That is the root of narcissism.

        The above link is a pretty good explanation. I actually really like that therapist’s blog on a number of topics. His articles on shame are very good.

        The thing about shame is that we can talk about it all day long without ever really feeling it, so that it becomes every kind of feeling except the actual shame. We can feel humilated fury, embarrassment, “slime”, the urge to wash, the urge to hide or withdraw, depression or a number of other feelings and never really feel shame. Shame is THAT unbearable.

        The narcissist is so shame-sensitive that they actually turn their shame into a source of PRIDE. They are proud of their bad behavior, their guilty agency, their ability to withstand disgusting humiliation.

        Shame is a feeling of being worthless and powerless. This is a scary feeling that forces us to accept that we are not in control of our destiny. If that’s the case, then what is the point in anything we do?

        It is interesting that the human animal is the most dependent for the longest time on its parents. Perhaps that is why we feel so helpless unless we are loved.

  3. yes. you remind me of a time in therapy with my mother when I was asking her to apologize for something she did (not yet understanding how futile this was) and she smiled inappropriately. I was shocked at this bizarre reaction because it was so inappropriate for the situation. now I understand. whether she feels any emotions at all I don’t know, but she had a substitute reaction for her shame, and it produced a smile. she had some bizarre excuse for why she smiled.

      • yeah, probably close. it’s amazing I didn’t turn out to be completely messed up and borderline, having a mother who was so evil. but I guess it’s not too surprising I fell for an spath later.

        • Mnav, the thing that I discovered about myself through recovering from the second exspath marriage was that I had some really flawed beliefs about human beings, human nature, and how those flawed beliefs were developed.

          Where the exspath is concerned, he most certainly was abused in some manner and I’ll never know what he experienced because he presented a “perfect” illusion. I’ve done a great deal of research about extreme bondage interests, and it seems that the general theory is that there is some connection (particularly with men) with abuse by the mother – that s-e-x-uality and identity was confused during childhood.

          But, I’ve also come to the point where I really don’t care how the exspath became what he is. I do not allow myself to imagine him as a child, because I have a son who is also a sociopath, and the “child” in a sociopath (male OR female spath) is dead and long-gone. They simply are what they are.

          Having a parent that is spath is devastating – I’m in group counseling with one gal who still believes that she must (MUST) remain in contact with her mother who is wholly and utterly toxic. She still doesn’t realize that she has options to disengage.

          I also had children with the first abusive exspath, and I wish that I knew THEN what I know, NOW. Sheeeeeeeeeesh, I sure as hayell would have done things differently. I didn’t know about Gray Rock – I was told by a marital counselor that I didn’t “have to” react or respond to his baiting and abuse, and it was a golden suggestion. But, I didn’t have enough knowledge about spathy and myself to deal with him, once I got out.

          Eugh…….it’s a tough journey, at the beginning. But, as we continue down our individual Healing Paths, that journey becomes a series of empowering milestones. You’re going to be okay – you ARE okay. Today, the thing to be grateful for is that you do not live in the Universe Of Sociopathy – it is an empty, cold, hopeless realm that I don’t even want to imagine.

          • thanks Truthy, yeah that universe must be empty and sad. they don’t seem happy.
            I have separated from my mother 3 times, and the 3rd time is the last; she’s not getting back in. the 2 times I went back I thought I had changed or she had changed, but now I know there is no changing that. I worry about my sibling who is enmeshed.

    • Mnav, after my own mother had DEVALUED AND DISCARDED ME in favor of the psychopaths, and then when they were arrested for trying to kill my oldest son, she came back to me (because she no longer had any slaves to do her bidding, she had paid them but they took the money and betrayed her) so I said “we need to talk” and she said “Let’s just pretend that none of this happened and start over” LOL

      PRETEND THAT YOU DIDN’T ABUSE ME? PRETEND THAT YOU DIDN’T DEVALUE ME AND DISCARD ME FOR THE Ps? Nah, that was when I walked out. NO SHAME on her part, no remorse, no caring, just LET’S PRETEND I DIDN’T SCR-EW YOU OVER.

      I agree with Skylar about your mom’s smile “duping delight” she was enjoying having scr-ewded you over.

      Mnav, your sibling will have to learn her own way out of the maze unfortunately…I too had through the years gone essentially NC with my own mother, but always let her back in…I think she still thinks I will let her back in eventually. It’s been over 5 years now and I still ONLY communicate by e mail and about BUSINESS of the farm.

      • Oxy,
        I think that your mother-spath was always aware that the trojan horse and DIL were spaths too. The game was always about you and making you feel bad. Heck, she even admitted it once, right?

        It’s the most fun for them to play us hot and cold, just to see how far they can push us and still have us come back for more. The price they pay, is irrelevant. They will pay any price for the thrill of knowing that they are so powerful and can torture us without limits but we still come back.

        My spath brother was devastated when I told him that I would NEVER believe another word he ever said. He sent me the saddest email about how that made him feel. lol. Later, I told him that he no longer existed. That really hit home because the spath and borderline personalities actually fear that they don’t exist when they are not getting attention.

        Interestingly, I knew these things because he has, over the years, told me himself.

        The first thing he told me, when he was a teenager was, “I can manipulate anyone.” True that, he is very good. This is what he feels is the source of his power to survive and I took that away when I made it clear that his lies were powerless.

        The other thing he told me, decades ago, was that he felt that he didn’t exist. He explained that he had gone through “clearing” with the church of scientology and they told him that when a woman has an unwanted pregnancy, she will think to herself, “I don’t want to be (pregnant)” but the fetus only understands, “I don’t want to be” and this is the reason why he feels that he doesn’t exist.

        Of course that is all preposterous but he did reveal the core of his fear: of not existing. And of course, I let him have it at the core of his fear. It was good.

        • Sky, I just had to go through this with an 8 year old. a boy in my daughter’s class who has been bullying her. he is hot and cold. if he doesn’t get the attention he wants from being nice, he will be mean. mostly he is jealous of her. (envy) I was at lunch today and after demanding my attention and saying hi, he then turned around in his seat and was staring at me until I had to ask him to stop and turn around. (creepy!) then when I left he kept trying to get my attention again but I just ignored him. I told my daughter that obviously he wants to be the center of attention so the best way to handle him is to ignore him. I pray I can teach her how to deal with these energy vampires so she will start to recognize it when it hits closer to home. she has had a lot of issues with bullies and all I can do is try to teach her that if someone is ever mean to you, they will be mean again and do not believe them when they later try to be your friend. that the intense jealousy of some of these kids is not normal and when they say they love you it’s not really love, it’s twisted. it’s pretty freaky now to recognize that an 8 year old is becoming a spath.

        • Mnav,
          The reason that children are not diagnosed as spathy is because they are still changing. At 8 years old, he may be heading down the wrong road but there is still hope for the poor kid. His brain is still developing and hopefully there will be a fork in the road where he makes the right choice.

          I agree with you though, that ignoring him is the best response. It teaches both your daughter and the mean boy about boundaries.

          • well, I hope you are right. but from what I am understanding about them, there is something very different about their brains that causes their behavior. it’s not a choice. it is the way they are. their brain waves are different. no change when they tell a lie. there are even genes that correlate with psychopathic behavior, and brain lesions also. the only choices they make are how hard to work to hide it, and whether or not they will kill. but they can’t choose to feel something they don’t.

          • Mnav,
            One of the core features of abusers is the willful refusal to accept responsibility. Their behavior is never their fault, they always blame someone else. They even their own victims for “deserving it”.

            More recently, psychopaths and other abusers in the media are beginning to blame their own mental makeup for their abusive behavior. They say they should not be held accountable because that’s “just the way we are.”

            While I agree that abusers ARE extremely willful, I do not agree that they have not control over their willfulness. As human beings, we do have choices about our behaviors.

            Yes, I agree that their brains are different: they are more willful than the average human being. They refuse to submit to anyone or anything, not even to reality. But that refusal is still a choice that they make.

            At eight years old a child on the path of willfulness still has a chance to learn and understand humility. Though it may require an extraordinary teacher.

            My problem with saying that their behavior is solely a function of their wiring, is that it gives them exactly what they want: an excuse why they should not be held accountable.

      • OMG how awful Oxy, I’m sorry. do you have to even email with her? I won’t even do that. I find that these spaths always want more and more, so you have to give them nothing at all. if you give a little, they try to walk all over you. once they get something they have been clamoring for, they are immediately off to clamoring for the next thing, not even grateful for what you just gave them. like an infant.

  4. Mnav, I can’t respond directly to your post, above – I guess the “thread” to one post gets full, and disallows a “reply” option.

    People who are professionally diagnosed as anti-social, sociopath, Borderline, or any other “disorders” most certainly know that what they are doing is “wrong” on ethical, moral, or legal levels. They know this. No, it is not their choice that they may have been born this way, or that they were raised in an environment that caused them to develop into a disordered person, but they absolutely have the ability to NOT lie, cheat, steal, manipulate, abuse, and discard.

    I don’t know how far out you are from the spath experience, but this is a fact: even the professionals in the fields of psychiatry and psychology cannot “explain” the disordered. There are criteria that have been set in order to assess and diagnose, but in spite of every grant-funded research, they cannot come to a consensus on why people develop into sociopaths. Clearly, genetic coding plays a huge factor, but I know many, many, many people who were born into a family where one (or, both) parents were disordered that did not carry those traits, themselves.

    So, ultimately, it comes down to an “acceptance” that the disordered predators exist, what their patterns of behaviors are, and how to walk away from them with a clear conscience. Over time, we learn to protect ourselves without anger, fear, or resentment – this comes in due time and I’m going on 3 years out from my experiences, so it takes time, patience, and challenging personal work. Identifying, recognizing, and accepting my own shame-core beliefs was profound in that it explained my lifetime of traumas and choices that had been based solely upon fear. It was profound, and pivotal. At last, I had information that made sense, even though I didn’t “like” these truths and facts.

    What causes these predatory human beings to do the things that they do may have an impact upon us, personally, and within our communities – sometimes, there are even global impacts because of what these people are. But, the bottom line is that our recovery is about identifying and repairing our own issues so that we will never be such an easy and open target for a predator, again. Sure, we’ll have run-ins with disordered people because they have existed since the dawn of mankind, and will forever be a part of the human condition. Once we begin that journey on our individual Healing Path, we become open-eyed and astute to the ploys, the techniques, and the telltale symptoms of disorder and walk away without any “hard feelings.”

  5. Sky, I do get what you are saying. and it is frustrating the way they blame others and refuse to take responsibility. I just have to wonder about their patterns always being so similar, and the genetic and brain data we have. it’s probably hard to care about making a different decision if you just don’t feel bad about it. so much of memory is built upon emotion, so if their emotions are different, then what they learn as they grow up will be different too, very different reward and punishment data that will go into shaping them. I’m not making excuses for them, just trying to understand it. for me, I couldn’t even imagine their existence because I could never imagine feeling that way. just as for them, they probably couldn’t imagine being good, because they feel completely differently. goodness is not something that has value to them. they behave because of fear of punishment, not because it’s the right thing to do. they never get beyond that in their mental development, they are arrested there. it may be that this controls many of them so that they do behave for the most part and can be successful in life, however in the most important relationships they can’t seem to control their abusive behaviors. which I have witnessed to extend to as far as they think they can get away with. they do decide to behave to the point they won’t get in trouble with the law. but they are definitely not normal, and can’t just decide to be, I think. it’s easier to be good when you ARE good. I still won’t forgive or have anything to do with them, because I know they can’t change. I am repulsed by them to my core. they are not fit to live in a civilized society. civilized society is based upon altruism, which they lack.

    • Mnav, recovering from spath entanglements is a challenge, at the very least. The experiences are so warped, twisted, and inhuman that relating and discussing what was done to us is typically met with disbelief and dismissal, even by trained “professionals.”

      At first, I spent a great deal of time attempting to understand spaths, their behaviors, and what type of horrid world that they lived in – perhaps, SOMETHING could happen that would redeem them and they would magically develop empathy, remorse, and a conscience. Well, the fact is that they are what they are, and there is no surgery, medication, spiritual epiphany, or lottery award that will ever, ever heal them. They are beyond redemption, and for those who insist upon the belief that these people could experience some sort of miraculous cure, it’s a waste of focus.

      They CAN control what they do, they simply choose not to, just as we can control what we do. That is where empaths differ from spaths – we know and feel the difference between right and wrong, good and bad, and how our own actions and choices might affect others. They, on the other hand, simply don’t care if there even IS a “right and wrong.”

      I cannot wrap my head around this absence of care, and I have finally come to accept that there is only one thing over which I have any control: my own Self. I never realized that I ever had options – I’m not obligated to accept every human being into my life, nor am I obligated to accept responsibility for THEIR choices. It took me 51 years to “get it,” and it’s quite liberating.

      What makes this fact so liberating is that I finally (at long last) can walk away from someone who’s simply toxic to me without any regret, rage, or malice. Sure, I still have my feelings hurt, but I accept that those hurt feelings are usually because of my own expectations that all people have a conscience, remorse, and empathy. Well, that simply isn’t true, and I don’t “like” it, but do not have the power or control to negotiate or bargain a more comfortable truth. It is what it is.

      • yes, I am pretty much there, have been there for a long time in regards to my mother. it takes a major “aha” moment to realize that there is no redemption for them. kudos to you for getting it and for steadfastly maintaining your boundaries. with my ex, I didn’t realize he was in that same category for years, even though I had seen it in my mother. that’s how good he is. now I see it and I am not fooled by anything he says, however I know that everyone else is. and I see the potential harm to my children and it is all quite horrifying. I am trying to remain matter of fact and call him on his BS every time, but the BS continues on a regular basis because of co-parenting issues. he keeps trying to create drama out of thin air. it’s almost comical if you can detach yourself from it. I am getting better at calmly and coolly stopping him in his tracks by redirecting him to reality by pointing out his inappropriate behavior and thought process. thanks in large part to you guys and this site! thank you!

        • Mnav, I had a very challenging time learning to separate my emotions from all equations – whether I was dealing with the exspath, an attorney, a grocery clerk, or an ER attendant, I keep it “strictly business,” now. Or, I do my best to keep my emotions out of whatever’s going on.

          Co-parenting is a terrible challenge. There really is no “co-parenting” because these people view their own offspring as no more important than a disposable lighter. They don’t care how their actions are harming innocent and impressionable lives, and they’ll manipulate those kids to the point where they either develop into extreme narcissists, themselves, or perfect victims. The first abusive expsath did that with my sons. One is clearly disordered, and the other is a “perfect victim.” EUGH………..

          If you’re compelled to call the spath down on his B.S., try to keep it as matter-of-fact as possible and always relying upon facts, rather than feelings. I didn’t “get this,” at the outset – it took me a good, long while to learn how to separate one from the other. Because they don’t have “feelings,” themselves, they are parasites that drink up the feelings and emotions of others and they’re always consuming, but never filling themselves up. The only “feelings” that they ever truly emote are rage, hatred, and envy. And, the very people whose emotions that they leech are held in contempt for having something (feelings/emotions) that they never, ever will. Yet, they want what they cannot have, always.

          And, never think that I’m always in control of my feelings and situation! ROTFLMAO!!! I’m a red-hot mess, most of the time, and I’m going on my third year out from the second exspath. Gosh, I have to laugh, at times. The one thing that is steadfast is the understanding that acceptance that there are very “bad” people, out there, and that they cannot be fixed or helped, even under the most purest of auspices. They are, for all intents and purposes, shells of human beings without an “essence” or “soul,” IMHO.

  6. Hi Everyone (welcome mnav…),

    The knowledge, the acceptance, and the observation of evil has completely changed my world view. People who do not know what we know cannot comprehend the profundity of this knowing. The way it both enlightens and burdens those of us who carry it.

    I cannot watch a movie, documentary, or hear about a conflict without wondering, or identifying, the disordered individual/s in the situation. I recently watched a fascinating documentary, Constantine’s Sword. It talked about the interface between religion, politics, and war/persecution. The whole time I was watching I kept shaking my head thinking ‘this wouldn’t happen if we didn’t have personality disordered people’.

    This awareness leads me to question a lot of the ‘answers’ people have for fighting against injustice, etc…because it’s like fighting a war, without identifying the real emeny. While we are busy staring at the end of the finger pointing to the war/injustice/torture/abuse/genocide, etc….the spaths are onto their next escapade, or stealing the money we are spending to fix the problems stemming from their existence.

    Gosh, I hope I don’t sound completely Debbie Downer here.

    I was on a walk and thinking about a bunch of this stuff. At about mile 4 I felt calmer and had the idea that the only thing I can really affect is my own way of being in the world, and hope that this has some kind of Butterfly Effect, creating change that I may never be able to measure. Positive change. Since I cannot eliminate personality disorders, and I believe they are at the root of our world’s problems, I have to constantly take the focus back onto myself, and see how I can think, speak, and act in prosocial ways.

    I totally get Truthspeak when you say you keep things all business. I am so much more careful (have boundaries) about how many thoughts and details I share. I am much better at editing my input into the world. I find it makes me feel safer, and that it also stops certain kinds of interactions. I used to be a inappropriate sharer. No longer. I also don’t have anything to do with any of the spaths I dated/befriended. My only thorn is my mother, who on a scale of 1-10 is a narcissist at around 3-5. She is a pain, but I can manage her now, without pain or injury to myself.

    I feel immense compassion for those who have to continue contact, or have ongoing concern.


    • hi Slim, thank you. I do understand what you are saying. I see it all around me now. and I think I didn’t want to believe true evil existed, for a long time, and it seemed strange to finally have to acknowledge that it does. it’s a conclusion that it is impossible to avoid. seeing people like Ariel Castro……….
      I think I will be forced to deal with it for the rest of my life.
      all the fantasy stories that are based upon the battle between good and evil. they are a reflection of reality.

    • Slim, it’s so good to “see” you and what began with “What s/he did to me,” evolves into “What I need to fix.”

      You most certainly didn’t post a “Debbie Downer” response! What you posted was that you recognize and accept that you have control over only one thing: your own actions and responses! HOW EMPOWERING IS THAT?! That takes the burden of other people straight off of your shoulders, doesn’t it? 😀 That’s empowering……and, it’s big.

      Mnav, there is a continuum of all things – different levels of weather, despair, and evil. And, you’re not “forced” to deal with anything – there are options, even if they aren’t pleasant or comfortable. Approaching my own decision-making as business considerations is relatively new to me – I have spent a lifetime of making my decisions and choices based upon my emotions and feelings, and not known facts or gut-instincts.

      Right now, this very morning, I’m going to have to make a decision about what to do about my living situation. I have lived in a hunting shack for almost 2 years, now, as a last resort to avoiding homelessness. I spent the first winter without heat, hot water, reasonable septic system, or cook stove. This past week, the pipes froze and the well pump finally gave out (I think – not a plumbing expert) when the temperatures plunged to -21 overnight, and I have no source of water other than melting snow. This property is so isolated that it requires a 16-mile round-trip just to collect my mail, and I’m an hour from the nearest hospital. I have to make some tough decisions in the very near future. None of the options available are going to be comfortable or easy to make, but I do have options.

      We always have options, but considering the options requires us to separate our emotions from the facts, at hand. Sure, our emotions are REAL and they are 100% valid, but they are not necessarily “facts.” That was probably the most valuable information that my counseling therapist gave me and it took me a long time to learn what that actually meant with regard to my Self.

      The fantasy stories that you mentioned with clear descriptions of good and evil, we never learned that there are levels of both that often cannot be defined without careful and lengthy observation. I was never taught that I had the choice to observe and consider whether someone was a possible threat, or not. With an alcoholic mother, the threat was constant and “acceptable” because mom was “sick.” So…….dysfunction created dysfunction where I’m concerned. It’s quite a process to learn about all of this and how my own development unfolded. But, the upside to this is that human beings actually have the ability to rewire our brains and our perceptions/thinking. Neuroplasticity is not a theory – it exists, and we can (and, will) actually rework our whole thinking, reasoning, and feeling processes. It just takes time, patience, and challenging work. 🙂

      • Truthy, I hope you are right about that re-wiring. I have a lot of work to do. I hope your living situation works out, that sounds really crazy. in some ways I envy you living so far from “civilized” society. that would solve many of my problems but I can’t because of my kids. please keep us updated so we know you are safe.

        this morning it occurred to me that good and evil are possibly as simple as physical laws of nature, like opposite poles of a magnet, like protons and electrons. psychopaths are drawn to the best of us, like flies, they can’t stop themselves. the evil keeps coming at us and we don’t understand why, but it’s just the nature of the universe, like E=mc2. we are spiritual magnets. that’s why it will never go away.

  7. Mnav, of course you are right, without good evil could not exist and without evil good can not exist. While being born INNOCENT we are vulnerable to the evil in this world and unfortunately in order to know what evil is we must learn that it exists, what it looks like and how to defend ourselves.

    Unfortunately, too many times, children are taught MYTHS about other people, for example “There is good in everyone” or “it takes two to fight” or “there are two (valid) sides to every story” Those are MYTHS but since we may have been taught these as TRUTHS we operate on those FALSEHOODS and give the evil people many “second chances” trying to find that “good” we know MUST BE DOWN IN THEM…or even worse, we blame ourselves because they are evil.

    Yes, it is a big learning process and having children to care for emotionally and physically makes it much more difficult to care for ourselves as well. Many times those children are used as weapons by the psychopaths in order to keep us in a “spin cycle” not knowing which way the next attack will come from.

    I wish I could tell you that the journey to healing will be “easy” but I can only tell you it WILL BE HARD but you CAN do it….the stress of it all DOES literally kill brain cells as well as mucking up the chemical balances inside our head that make it difficult to “think straight” and the FEAR we have also compounds this as well, but by making yourself focus on your life, and very important KEEPING CHANGES TO A MINIMUM so that peace can seep on to your mind, heart and brain, you can recover, but just realize that it is very important to take care of yourself first…I know that is difficult with children, but just as on an airplane they tell you if the O2 mask drops PUT YOURS ON FIRST then help others, because if you don’t have oxygen to your brain, you will NOT BE ABLE TO HELP OTHERS, or in this case, your children.

    Here is some information on stress http://familyarrested.com/how-other-peoples-stress-can-kill-you/ and http://familyarrested.com/offenders-inside-the-family/ go to the stress scale in that second one and you can plug in your own numbers and SEE how you are effected by stress in your life. Keeping CHANGES of any kind out of your life as much as possible is one way to help yourself heal.

    300 points is the “overload” on the stress scale and at one point I scored 1,500! Also when we are stressed out, even MINOR THINGS become MOUNTAINS OF STRESS…so learning to overlook the truly unimportant “wounds” that we are inflicted with will help us not accumulate more stress and more damage.

    Hang in there it will get better. I promise you. God bless.

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