People ask if it’s possible to manipulate a narcissist. How do you manipulate someone who lies and manipulates? Psychopaths and narcissists are just like anyone else, you can manipulate a narcissist if you know what they need. That’s why they lie all the time. They are determined from the beginning of any relationship to establish the upper hand. To do that, they have to hide what they really need and want. I can tell you what that is:
Psychopaths have a trick for numbing us to danger. I call it the danger-safe trick. It’s also known as the trauma bond or Stockholm syndrome. It’s part of the whipsaw on your emotions. First they create the danger and then they save you. There are a myriad of ways it can happen.
In addition to the Gray Rock Method, another mental model we can use to understand what the psychopath wants, is the Slot Machine Model. The bright colored “slots”, also known as the One-Armed-Bandit, are addictive to compulsive gamblers. They while away the hours parked in front of one or a bank of slot machines, inserting their coins and hoping for a pay day. The slots generally take your money for nothing. Mostly it just spins the numbers and fruit and makes noise but occasionally it spits out a little incentive, a few coins just to keep you hooked. After I learned that the psychopath’s true desire was solely for my emotions, I channeled the One-Armed-Bandit’s response mechanisms to entice him with emotional currency.
I use the term “psychopath ” to refer to a variety of disordered personalities whose interpersonal style is one of callous manipulation –in particular, those people who fall into the category of the Dark Triad, usually labeled narcissists, psychopaths and …Continue reading →
Years ago, I rented a car and drove over a mountain pass to pick up the psychopath and his minion from his job site. On the drive back home, I chose a different mountain pass because it was shorter. This 400-mile …Continue reading →
Actress Anna Gunn, the actress who plays Skyler White on Breaking Bad, writes OP-Ed for the NYTimes. The Breaking Bad Forums are filled with Skyler White haters and that hatred has even transferred to actress Anna Gunn, the actress who …Continue reading →
The mythical ‘law of attraction’ is deeply ingrained in our society. But you are not responsible for who approaches you, only who you seek and keep in your life. The creation and growth of the Pearl of Purity starts with …Continue reading →
Psychopaths lie all the time and it’s perplexing to us. Dr. Morgan Scott Peck titled his book on human evil, People of the Lie, because one of the most common traits of a psychopath is that they lie. They seem …Continue reading →
In Violence and The Sacred, Rene Girard explains that the sacrificial victim must be guilty so that his death can be justified. If the victim isn’t believed to be guilty then his death won’t bring peace to the community. Shortly …Continue reading →
I stumbled onto this excellent article that I’d like to share, Anger: Attachment and Neurobiological Perspectives. It gives a thorough explanation of anger management styles and how they originate in attachment. I think many of us will find it a …Continue reading →