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Seeing Through Psychopathic Smoke and Mirrors. — 85 Comments

  1. Hi Woundlicker,
    glad you’re feeling better.
    Yes, ‘over developed half-person’ is a perfect description of their limp.

    You may have been using the psycho as a distraction from your own issues, but you’ve come full circle and can see those issues better than ever now. I’m right there with you.

  2. STJ (and all),

    You wrote:
    But after I threw him out, it is this same heart and mind that takes care of my children and animals.

    That made my heart sing. I am really happy for you….I remember being so afraid I had lost those parts of myself, and THAT just added insult to injury. The feeling of having lost my own heart was devastating.

    I had a thought: ppaths try to make us ‘like’ them when they alienate us from our hearts. The difference is WE feel the loss of that heart, so can find our way back. So it doesn’t work. The damage is temporary because we can reclaim our humanity.


  3. Hi Skylar (and All),

    I didn’t know where else to post this, so I chose this original post about Smoke and Mirrors.

    I recently went online to view the ex-spath- the one who I ‘finally’ experienced the truth with. The truth of there being malignantly motivated human beings, who deceive others’ for delight and power. I haven’t seen nor heard from this person for over 5 years now. I wanted to test my own emotional barometer, and I googled him. I also wanted to ‘see’ him from the ‘outside’. Or maybe see if I could see him from the outside.

    Wellllll. You get at least 60 pages about him. His blog, his resume, his blah, blah, blah……

    And you know, though it wasn’t NEARLY what I would have felt when I was ignorant of what he is, it was still interesting to feel that familiar sense of cog/diss creep in. His resume, and self-endorsement, though full of exaggeration (and some lies), is impressive. His images are gorgeous. His workshops well attended. And his endorsements from others’ are inspiring. He looks like a New-Age Wonder Worker! The energy he puts into his image is relentless and effective.

    I spent at least a couple of days ruminating on what I saw, and remembering what I KNOW.

    What I know is that he is truly talented, but uses his talents to lure people into his influence. I know that he is handsome, but takes credit for it as if it were an earned ‘skill’. I know that he is charming, and uses everything and everyone around him to get his, and only his, needs met. I know he is funny, and there are little slings and arrows in his humor. I know that he is the life of the party, and addicted to nearly everything. I know he is spontaneous and fun, and that he is so impulsive he cannot plan ahead. I know he is always ‘in the moment’, but cannot learn from the past or affect a different future. I know he is well spoken and writes really well, and that words are weapons for disarming or harming other’s.

    He doesn’t look like an abusive, mean-spirited, selfish person. Just the opposite. He looks like a dream.

    But I know…..even when applying his talents and time he is really, underneath it all, trolling for victims.


  4. Hi Slim,
    I hope you weren’t too traumatized by looking him up. I understand the need to do that sometimes, though I’ve avoided it myself.

    Yes, they seem like normal people in some ways. It’s only when you’ve studied the red flags AND spent some time with them, that you can call them out.

    Unless you know about spaths, you don’t realize how much we “fill in the blanks” and make assumptions about people. We assume that they are like us, that they have the same motivations, the same desire for connection and kindness.

    Once you know, you no longer fill in the missing pieces. You see reality. You see what is presented and nothing more. The only time I fill in the blanks now, is when I see red flags. They all test boundaries, so when you see that, you know it’s an abuser. The pity ploy is another huge red flag.

    It’s funny too, how many of them present themselves as “enlightened” human beings. They study different religions and philosophies so they can play the part better. Many of them are actually in the field of psychology. But in the end, it doesn’t matter because they can’t hide what they are. They will cross boundaries, create drama. It’s not hard to see it at all. It’s just hard to BELIEVE it, because we don’t like it and we wish it wasn’t true.

    • Skylar,

      A bit, but not too. It was also a good reminder that they never stop the game. They just continue on and on and on, with the same giant manipulation. Since I KNOW this person, intimately, it was interesting to see the game from a distance; not from the emotional and devastated place I was 5 years ago,wondering what I had done to deserve such a horrible loss of dignity.

      Part of the reason I looked, and I will likely never go there again, is to see if he had left the area. He has not.

      In the end I don’t have much feeling about him at all. I am not consumed with hate or sadness. I don’t even worry about what he is doing to other’s, or that the people who like him wouldn’t believe me.

      I am no longer drawn into the falseness and I have a MUCH better ability to validate my own experience.

      Hope you are well and happy and learning new things every day!


  5. Slim,
    true that you are no longer affected by his manipulations, so you won’t be emotionally wrecked. That is the gift that spaths left us with: our eyes wide open.

    Yet, we still need to be careful of the “slime” factor. This is the feeling of revulsion we feel when we see a spath doing what spaths do. Revulsion is what protects us from getting close to evil. It’s normal to and healthy to feel revulsion but it still doesn’t feel good.

    Yeah, I am learning new things every day.

  6. Skylar,

    Definately felt the revulsion! And you are right, it doesn’t feel all that good, and is the perfect reason not to ‘check up’ on them, once we are disconnected (unless we may need to for safety reasons).

    I was surprised at how revulsed and sickened I felt. I thought I would feel nearly nothing. I know that sounds kind of naive, considering how much I’ve learned about the Morally Deranged. Still, I was a bit surprised. I see that the revulsion happens for exactly the reason you wrote about: it protects us. So, naturally, when we ‘get it’, our bodies will always give us the warning signal.

    I can get that feeling just being around some people, even if I don’t know a thing about them. It is a very instinctive, but subtle (in the case of not knowing the person) distaste. I feel repelled by the person, almost magnetically.

    I guess we are finally fortunate enough to understand these feelings, and honor our internal radar.


  7. Slim,
    it reminds me of the guy who came to check our septic system. I’m not sure wtf actually happened but the spath said that this dude, opened the septic tank and STUCK HIS HEAD INSIDE TO LOOK AT IT!

    Shouldn’t he have felt revulsion at putting his head inside a SHIT TANK?

    But I guess he got used to it.

    That’s what happens to us too. We just get used to it. Individually, we are stronger when we can look at the spath and not vomit. But collectively, our vomit creates a change in our world. Vomit is like voting with our mouths.

  8. I just laughed out loud in a staff meeting! Our vomit does create change in the world. And being with a spath is like being held captive in a shit tank. Ewwwww…..

    Started reading the book…Mistakes were made….good read.


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