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Revenge on a Psychopath — 214 Comments

  1. I thought that I would “revive” this subject for personal reasons.

    For me, it’s been 4 years and 6 days since I discovered that the man that I had been married to for 12 /12 years and been involved with for 14 1/2 years had been a fraud. In that time, I have survived, recovered, and begun my journey down my individual Healing Path. My desire to get even with the psychopath was pronounced. It almost became a pathology for me, and I didn’t understand this until I’d been involved in intensive counseling therapy with a trauma specialist for over a year.

    “An eye for an eye,” sounds reasonable, doesn’t it? But, in “my world,” it’s only applicable to those who have a conscience and sense of remorse. Is it appropriate to cause another person to feel guilty for something that they’ve done? Well, if what they did harmed someone else, it might be appropriate. Surely, consequences should follow for things that we do, but in the “Sociopath’s Universe,” there is no such thing as “guilt,” or remorse. When a person lacks a conscience, they are quite literally incapable of “feeling” anything in the same manner that a person who DOES have a conscience will. Sociopaths do not “feel” emotions in the same way – in my experiences, the only things that they appear to “feel” to any degree are envy, anger, and rage. Even “satisfaction” doesn’t qualify because it’s not a source of contentment for these people, but more a source of envy because “satisfaction” isn’t enough for them. They cannot abide the possibility that there might be MORE that they can take, destroy, manipulate, or harm.

    So, when it comes to “revenge,” it’s a wasted effort because they will not – WILL NOT – “get it” that their actions have created consequences. For the empathetic individuals, we find it uncomfortable to “feel” guilty about something and we often adjust our own behaviors to avoid repeating the same event to cause the discomfort. We “get it” about cause-and-effect, whereas the sociopath does not. If there are consequences to their choices, actions, or decisions, then those consequences are simply an inconvenience and can be overcome by a number of ways.

    There was an appalling movie that I saw some years ago titled, “Goodfellas.” This movie, IMHO, accurately depicted an utter absence of conscience amongst the mafia members to the point that even prison time meant nothing to them – they could bribe or con the guards and administration into allowing all manners of contraband while they “served out their time” according to the requirements of the Law. It was almost like a boys’ campout, as depicted by this screenplay.

    So, what does that have to do with seeking revenge against a psychopath? To put it bluntly: IT WON’T MATTER. It won’t “teach” the psychopath anything, or even cause them to think, “Hey……I shouldn’t have __________ to that person.” They don’t operate in the same Universe that empathetic beings do. Therefore, attempting to assign the same level of morals, ethics, and laws to them is just about as reasonable as assigning human attributes to a sea cucumber. It’s impossible.

    The BEST “revenge” against a psychopath is to move out of their field of gravity. When a target “escapes,” it’s the only kick in the teeth that they experience. And, by “escape,” I mean just that. Even the murderous psychopaths don’t feel any loss when they end a victim’s life – they just feel that momentary sense of power, and prepare to move on to the next victim which is precisely WHERE the buildup begins for them. When they murder their victims, they are in control and any victim that ESCAPES creates a reaction of rage that is beyond our ability to comprehend.

    For those of us who have escaped the non-murderous psychopath, our escape is ENOUGH of a vengeance, even if it was the psychopath that dumped us. They expect their targeted victims to run back to them, to beg with them, plead with them, and dialogue with them AFTER the discard – the response to their victims’ actions is as powerful to them as any physical response could be. When the former victim does NOT respond in the “typical” manner, they feel disappointed and rage ensues. When we walk away without a backward glance, THEY become enraged and their proverbial noses are rubbed into their own waste of inadequacies and folly. They hate, they rage, and they experience their own spin cycle until they’ve found another target.

    Don’t feed the spaths…………absolutely. I got out, alive. That’s enough for me. The Universe requires a balance to all things – matter / anti-matter, birth of stars, super novas when stars die, carrion fowl to eliminate death, etc………And, all of the evil that spaths bring with them must be balanced out and accounted for by forces that we do not control. It all works itself out, in the end, whether we are aware of it, or not. A balanced, centered, and relatively calm life AFTER spaths is the best and most fulfilling “revenge” possible.

  2. Truthy,
    You bring up some very good points. An eye for an eye is not the total sum of payment when we try to get “justice” from the spath. Justice doesn’t come free. There is always the hangman to pay.

    When we tangle with evil, we must be prepared to make sacrifices. It will be an odyssey in which we emerge changed from the struggle with evil. The sacrifice and the payment will always be our innocence. And the word innocence always has different meanings depending on who we are. We learn. We are transformed. We pay the price for our tuition and it hurts. One would think that at some point we would be tough enough to emerge unscathed, yet that is never the case because everyone we encounter changes us. That is part of being human. If we can emerge unscathed it will only be if we become just like them, then they win, so what would be the point?

    Am I saying that we should never tangle with a spath, or that we shouldn’t seek justice? No. I’m saying that we need to know the price before we hire a hangman. Can we afford it? Remember, the spath’s trick is to make us think that we have more power than we actually do. Matthew 4:1-11.

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