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Narcissistic Entitlement: Psychopaths Say the Darndest Things — 18 Comments

  1. oh yes. my ex pretended to be very spiritual. he had everybody fooled. at one point he had stalked me to a hiking group, so I quit the group to avoid him getting information on me. at his memorial service there was a person there from the group speaking of him and how wonderful he was, how he used to always say “Love and Compassion”, like it was evidence of his spiritually advanced nature. This was just one of his mantras that he used to hypnotize people into believing his lies. He was very skilled. They become skilled at “impression management”, and it gives them great power in relationships to be seen as a spiritual authority.

    the spaths who have cognitive empathy can do these things, because they understand enough about how other people think. my mother’s lack of empathy is so striking that it is truly a cognitive defect, and she is not able to fool people regarding her deficit. on an emotional level she is clearly more lizard like. kind of like Cruella Deville.

    I’m so glad you had access to a bus! what a narcissistic flake!

  2. This is a fragment of a message my ex spath sent to one of his victims while he was discarding us. I find the use of the word “enshroud” especially chilling-and absolutely the most truthful thing he tells her.

    “As you know, I recognize so many of the thoughts and feelings you’re having. The disapproving tones; the loneliness in familiar settings. I just threw myself further into you and the “us” I strive for. I knew circumstance would bring you to those thoughts and feelings on occasion as well. In some ways I felt if I enshrouded you with enough love and attention I could protect you from them.”

  3. Theresalmc, “enshrouded” IS a creepy word, it means to cover so as to veil, hide or bury. They have no idea how they sound, it’s like they’re tone deaf.

    Another chilling word your ex-spath uses is “protect”. When I left him, my ex-spath said, “I would have protected you with my life.” In fact he had laid out plans to kill me. It’s always the 180 Rule.

    From those 2 words, I can tell that your ex-spath is a dangerous one too, because they always say the opposite of the truth. I wonder what else is in that statement that I can’t decipher.

    • Skylar-your blog has given me much insight into the character of these people. I’m grateful to you for the tremendous focus and ingenuity you have given to the study of spaths. I love the poetry you bring to your interpretation of the Jesus myth and your brilliance regarding the scapegoat/sacrificial aspect of this disordered though pattern.

      I’m in the beginning phases of understanding about this man I’ve been with for 16 years. He left me 7 years ago abruptly, but I took him back when he claimed he made a mistake leaving. We have one child together and I was vulnerable at the time, dealing with a cancer diagnosis. He thought it was the right time to swoop back in and play the hero guess. I’ve realized that he never really loved me, as he has repeated almost exactly the first discard with his latest discard. I’ve kept a file on him since the first time he left. Here are his letter writing campaigns to 2 different victims that are strikingly similar in tactic.

      In this exchange with the first victim K-he asserts that I am charmed to hear about his relationship with her. Needless to say I was not charmed and I told him so. Very interesting the way he arms me with a broadsword in this description to his victim. I see now that he wants to make her fear me:

      “I told her about a couple of funny exchanges we’ve shared over the months, and about a couple of awkward ones. Believe it or not, she was relieved to hear these things. I had been so guarded about this idea of “us”, the broad-sword came out at the first mention of your name. I have been leaving her with impression that she was being “dumped” for a woman 17 years my junior, that I didn’t even know. When she discovered that I did know you, and that I do indeed love you she was somewhat charmed.”

      Here is the note I found to his latest victim F. This time he uses gun and a knife to install fear into this woman, to make her fear for his safety. Thankfully, he does not own any weapons, and my city has very strict gun laws. Again, he wants to make it seem as if I am the violent person.

      “Honey, I don’t want to put words in your mouth but if you were to describe your feelings right now as ‘mild panic”, know that I am right there with you. No there isn’t a gun to my head or a knife to my ribs, but in a few ways my fight or flight has certainly been triggered. I’ll choose fight, because like you, I believe with all my heart we can be happy together.”

  4. theresalmc,
    I thought I’d replied earlier but the post disappeared. It was really long and now I can’t remember everything. I’ll try again.

    Thank you for your kind words. The article on the Jesus-myth was done by my atheist friend, Jill aka Darwinsmom. We had discussed the patterns and she was inspired by it. She also wrote the pearl articles which I still read from time to time to remind me to stay on the healing path.

    It’s my opinion that spaths cause cancer. They do this by creating so much stress and adrenaline in their victims’ lives that the body can’t detox. Your ex-spath probably caused your cancer and when he found out you had it he tried to come back for the final nail – and the drama.

    When he tells his victim that he is in fight or flight mode because of you, he really means YOU are in fight or flight because of him. He tries to seed his new victim’s brain with the fear and drama to prime them for the stress and adrenaline that he’ll be creating in them.

    I hope my articles have helped to give you the clarity that you need to heal from his toxicity. It sounds like you are on the road to healing because you can see through him now. It’s unfortunate that you must share a child with him. That makes it doubly important that you maintain a firm grasp on reality. He’ll do everything he can to dis-regulate your emotions.

    I’ve learned so much about spaths in the past few years and I’ll be posting more about it. Now I’m going to start learning more about how to stay committed to reality. As I learn more, I’ll be sharing that too.

    • hi Skylar;
      I thought I’d comment on your statement that spaths cause cancer. mine died from cancer but I was also diagnosed with cancer 2 months after he was. I caught mine early and it is cured. I have always felt that it was something energetically that he shot at me but it boomeranged back on him. it was all just too strange how it all happened. dealing with him was so incredibly toxic, with the way he was threatening my children with his gaslighting and decisions, that I knew that if he hadn’t died, I would be gone by now.

  5. Hi Mnav,

    I’m so glad that you were cured. I’m sure though that knowing your ex-spath was dying from it was no picnic either. It’s like there’s no good solution to this dilemma.

    I have to wonder about what effect the spath’s toxicity has on themselves. It’s hard to know since we all have to die of something eventually. Toxins are in the environment too.

    The only thing I’ve really noticed is the obvious effect of abuse on the victim’s health. It’s not just cancer, but also auto-immune disease. So many of us have chronic ailments. That’s been my problem since I was an infant. My family’s toxicity was too much for me even then.

    As it turned out, my ex-spath’s subtle poisoning was a cure for me. It was because of the poisoning that I took extra care of myself, by eliminating gluten and toxins from my food. I was really healthy when I left him. Once he stopped poisoning me and the pain was gone, I became careless and ate gluten by accident. I ended up in the hospital and I’ve been trying to recover ever since. So it was my family’s toxicity that first caused the auto-immune response and it was my spath who helped cured me.
    Life is ironic. If he only knew.

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