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Hate the Sin, Not the Sinner — 70 Comments

  1. Slim

    My teeth used to my best feature and it has been hard. Since I hit fifty things are beginnng to seem different. For a 50th present from the government I got a letter to do an now annual bowel cancer test by post–a surreal experience. I now qualify for breast cancer scans. With that and my tooth I have to sort out now the fact that I am getting old. I am grouped with the pensioners etc.

    Total weird menapausal experiences. Talk about acceptance.


  2. Slim

    I have wanted that book for ages but I don’t want to read it right now. I am trying to build emotional strength when reading about psychopaths and victims or targets. I am a bit scared it will trigger the pain again.

    Just want to get stronger before I read it.


  3. wow.
    Thanks STJ, for that link. It’s comprehensive.
    I’ve been trying to get through it for several hours now. It keeps triggering me so i need to go slow. Half way through it and still working at it.

    So far, its accurate as hell. I’m going to link it on the site, I think.

    That’s the problem with trying to learn things you’ve already experienced, the triggers just make it hard to keep going.

  4. Skylar

    I am so sorry that it triggered you. Don’t read it until you feel able to. That’s what I do.

    I wouldn’t have put it in if I thought that would happen. I need to be more mindful of others.

    So so sorry.


    • STJ,
      Lots of things trigger me, especially lately. I’m really glad that you shared the link. Thank you. I finished reading it this morning.

      The only reason I got triggered is because it talked about the frustrations involved with diagnosing psychopaths and the fact that people still can’t figure out how to define it.

      Personally, I think that it is caused by the psychopath deciding to numb his brain so that he can’t feel anything. This starts at an early age, so they grow up in a state of numbness, kind of like being drunk your whole life. It’s bound to affect the development. That’s why they stay stuck in childhood.

  5. Skylar

    I am still sitting on the fence with this. Right now I tell my self they were born with parts of the brain missing that makes us human. (genetic) But I do agree with you that it is the emotional part of the brain that is affected and that they work from the reptilian bran.

    That means from young they viewed the world differently from everybody else.

    Intellectual development went ahead but emotional developement is stunted because this is the part of the brain that does not work.

    But instead of using their skills of observation and logical minds for good they decided to do evil thinking that they were superior. They watched how power was gained in relationships and used this to their advantage.

    I always wonder how they explain the good mask to themselves if they feel so superior. Do they feel that they have to hide that they are predators cos no one would accept them? That would mean that they were living a false life and not true to themselves.

    And if the good side is just a con then that would explain the lack of satisfaction in their relationships.They have to degrade love because it makes them feel inferior without the capacity to experience it from self or others.

    I personaly think the good side was a front and that there was a lot going on behind my back that I didn’t know about. But I always come up aginst WHY keep it up for six years. What was my use value for him to do this. What was I doing that made me useful to him and what did I do that said I wasn’t of any value except as sex. Was I always only for sex or did that just come about. Our sex life wasn’t all that great although during the big reveal it was his main driving force.Is it just that a normal loving sex life is boring to them and they need the excitment of domination and rape to feel anything.

    So many unanswered questions and I apologise to those that have already settled these questions for themselves. I am probably way behind at this stage.

    Thanks for listening


  6. Hi All,

    Good Monday morning! I just printed out the article and will read it soon. It looks very comprehensive…

    I also still get a bit triggered with ‘things’: books, articles, stories people tell me….and Stalking the Soul did get my pulse rate up a few times, since the descriptions of abuse are SO spot on, and the injustices too.

    I will check in later, have to get to work. My computer is still spazzing out, so it will be hit and miss..

    Love to you both,

  7. There’s a lot of food for thought in the article. Some of it controversial. Which is why I like it, it’s brave. So I linked it on the left column, under Links to Information on Psychopathy; Comprehensive Discussion of Psychopathy.

    It’s not too triggering. Maybe I was just feeling extra sensitive recently.

  8. I have read through a portion of the article, and it strikes me as pretty ‘right on’. I have witnessed victims of pathologicals become very angry when faced with the research on the neurobiological differences noted. They often feel like this is the professional community ‘excusing’ the behaviors and damages done, ‘because’ the psychopaths are hardwired to malignant behaviors.

    I understand this kind of reaction, and the black and white thinking that targets manifest, at times, in the process of awakening and healing from the profound abuse they have suffered. It feels like either the spath can choose, or not. And everyone wants, absolutely, to hold them accountable. Especially since so much of the pathology is that they take NO responsibility for their own behavior, and project all their pathology onto the environment.

    But I think these scientific findings are waaaay more complicated than simply indicating whether these types are either in control, or out of control, of their own choices and behaviors. And I think this article does a good job of explaining that these types are abnormal, defective, and that something is WRONG. But that they are NOT insane. They are cognizantly, at least in terms of basic intellectual processes, aware of their behaviors and the difference between right and wrong.

    STJ, I agree, it is their emotional intelligence that is most obviously affected by their neurobiology. I read a book, don’t remember the name, that talks about how all our ‘intelligences’ work together to make us truly smart and capable (intellect, emotional, and sensory). And that if one is missing, we are not fully functioning. The spaths are living proof of this. They may have good instincts and sharp minds, but they are emotionally stupid. This means that the other two intelligences are not informed by the emotional part…….

    So they are always ill-informed. Unfortunately for them, it is way worse than color blindness. We can forgive someone for wearing mismatched socks, or not being able to coordinate their couch with their carpets. We don’t hold them responsible, because they don’t try to destroy us.

    Even if psychopathology is caused by faulty genes, it does not excuse pathologicals from responsibility. It only begins to explain why they are the way they are.


  9. Hi all

    I think in the beginning when we escape from their horror reality we take it so personal. The hate, the rage and the seduction. It all gets piled on us and we suffer psychiatric injury because of it.

    But I still think that they are evil even if genetic. My ex used to lament that his dad never took any notice of him–I remember saying to him–‘well that is a lesson learned. You don’t do that to your own kids’. But what did he do. Ignored his lovely son.

    That can be explained by their self absorbtion and failure to learn from experience.

    Autistics are different–but they don’t want to harm. Neither does other mental illnesses or afflictions. But common to all psychopaths is the desire to harm. They even go as far as planning it. That is evil.

    Sometimes I tie myself in knots trying to get into their mindset. So far I have not succeeded My imagination fails me here.

    Today I was feeling quite vulnerable and unsafe again. But I repeat to myself and probably I am wrong that it is only 15% of the poulation that has these disorders that harm. All I have to do is spot the signs and get the hell out of there, The rest of the population are ok.

    Horrible rainy clammy weather here right now. Hope it is nice where you all are.

    Take care

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