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Book Review: Mistakes Were Made (but not by me) — 9 Comments

  1. you had me right up to the implanted memory piece. i need to read the book, as there are few things including and after that that i need context for. but before that i am shaking my head in agreement.

    the opening lines to on of her majesties verbose missives about who and what she is or isn’t include many of the elements of self deception mentioned here. (She is her own worst character. Curious that she can create a relatively believable emotional plot line for her character’s stories, but not for herself…why IS that??)

    One of the things she is infamous for is stating that she only fucked around one of her other dupes for ’18 months’, not the ‘2 years’ purported by the people who were calling her out for her behaviour. …and saying that she ‘would apologize’ but it wouldn’t be ‘taken the right way’….I can only conjecture that the spath thought the dupe might think it was an admission of guilt and the spath wasn’t having THAT.

    Am very interested in reading about memory and cog. dis.

    and all of this reminds me to be careful of my possibly n boss.

    • Onejoy,
      the book makes a very good case for each of the assertions, especially the implanted memories. I’m convinced that OTHER people have implanted memories, but of course, I don’t! 😀 I would know if I did… right?

      Actually, most things I remember from way back are very clear. I had a perfect memory for most of my life. It’s only recently that it’s starting to slip. Old age? or is it PTSD? Any event that I question, seems to leave an indelible memory. That’s why the WTF? bucket got so full.

      There was a recent incident though…I got a phone call from K. He told me how his court case on his mortgage went. But I forgot it was K who told me, I thought BF had told me. Later, when BF was telling me about K’s court case, I said, “you already told me.”

      BF denied having told me and I was perplexed for a bit, then I remembered that it was K. So that would be a case of a partially false memory. It happens, especially when it’s something you don’t really care about. Personally, I think that if it’s important, you remember exactly how it happened.

  2. I have been gone for a couple of weeks. Just got this book, so will report back. I am reading Dangerous Liasons. Claudia Moscovici is an excellent writer. My computer died so sending via new smartphone. Yikes! So much going on that is difficult to relay. I saw a book today abput psychopathology that looked cynical and kind of disbelieving. I was shocked and disregarded it. I think I will go back to find it as it could be educational. Sorry so short. Doing this from a phone is awkward. Xoxo to you all. Slim

    • Hi Slim,
      Nice to “see” you.
      I hope you find the book as eye-opening as I did. It helped me to see how common cognitive dissonance is. We experience it all the time. I think that we almost need it to manage life.

      For example, we KNOW that when we are driving down the road at 60-70mph with hundreds of other people doing the same thing, our lives are one mistake away from over. A moment of inattention, on our part or the part of another driver, and it’s all done.

      We tell ourselves that it’s ok, it won’t happen to us and we get in the car and drive. That’s cog/dis, but it works fine. None of us are dead yet, right? Well, except for the 30,000 plus people who die in motor vehicle accidents annually.

      Cog/dis enables us to move and to do things. It enables us to believe we should do things even though we have no idea whether it will make any difference in the long run. Cog dis means you BELIEVE.

      I think that’s why spaths play with our cog/dis — because they don’t believe in anything. They know that belief is what empowers people and they want to take that power away by showing us how very wrong our beliefs were and how powerless we really are.

      The key, is to play with your own cog dis until you know it so well that you can take it or leave it. Not easy. I’ve tried. I’m still working on this.

      I think the only thing we can truly believe in is God. Why? Because His existence can’t be disproved.

  3. Sky you said above:

    Choose Wisely Because You’ll Be Happy No Matter What You Choose.

    Our actions affect our beliefs because we need to justify that we’ve acted correctly. Self-justification reinforces the belief that we have made the right choice, simply because we feel happier believing it. When faced with cognitive dissonance, you’ll justify being happy about your choice and then you’ll choose that behavior again. It’s self-reinforcing. There are angels and the devils inside us. Whichever one we feed, wins.

    I am going to oder this book I think, reading over this review again, I think it is going to sit on my shelf beside several other books on this topic of “don’t believe everything you know” (or think you know!)

  4. Oxy, I’m glad you’re getting the book.

    I think that just knowing that it’s human to rationalize and self-justify, makes it easier to forgive myself for having done that and then move on to face the truth.

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