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Attraction by the Pearl of Purity — 308 Comments

  1. I dropped by to ‘revisit’ this article. Not just because it is sooo excellent, but because I wanted to see if anyone had added anything to this particular discussion. Was on another site that posted a recent article about how our energy attracts psychopaths, unless we ‘clear’ or heal it, or some such. I attempted to interject that there can be mutual attractions TO dysfunctional people, that they can find us attractive for a variety of reasons, but that I did not believe that we are vibing out the universe and ‘attracting’ bad people with our ‘broken energy’.

    Needless to say everyone talked around me, so I gracefully bowed out and let the believers believe.

    I really appreciate how well, Jill, you articulate the falseness of this belief system, and where it may have originated.

    I don’t understand, truly, what people actually get out of believing in the LOA. What is the payoff? Perhaps needing to beat oneself up a bit more for having experienced something negative. Or, using it to avoid the real work of self-examination. Or the work of taking action to make something happen?

    I’ve known people who put pictures of things they want (cars, vacation sites, etc…) on the fridge, thinking that they are putting out the energy that will attract these things. Now, some of them have happened. I think the people that believed they used the LOA successfully actually used the images as a reminder to do the things that it takes to go to Tahiti. They saved money and vacation time, did research, bought tickets, and made it happen. But instead of giving themselves credit they praise the LOA, or their version of god. It’s like some kind of pathological (I am using the term lightly here) of self-depreciation.

    The people that don’t succeed in their practice of attracting what they want blame their inadequate focus of their thoughts and ‘intentions’ and feel like failures (sinners). They continue to try to realign their thoughts and beliefs. But they don’t seem to DO anything differently.

    But both sets of folks still believe in the LOA.

    In the case of having been targeted by a predatory person the whole idea makes even less sense to me in terms of payoff. What could one possible stand to gain by believing they are a magnet for evil? A magnet for abuse and negativity? There are folks that even believe if they have thought about a spath, or have unresolved feelings about them that that is why they are contacted again, or have run-ins with other bad people. It does seem on a level as a defense against LOOKING at oneself. Sort of blaming oneself, and paradoxically avoiding the genuine accountability required for self-awareness.



  2. Just another addition. It reminds me of when my therapist told me that thinking I could fix someone else was really egotistical. As you pointed out in the article believing that our ‘self belief’ is like strings attracting other things to us is also pretty egotistical. The magical thinking of a toddler?

  3. Hi Slim!

    I read the same article, but my post got deleted, because I posted my opinion on it originating from spathic gurus and that is too close to spathlike thinking, and it was quite impossible to post that without the author taking that personal. I read your post though. And like someone else said, your post rocked!

    I think the word your are looking for is ‘egocentrical’ more than egotistical. Yup it’s magical thinking, but unfortunately it reduces other people and events to mere objects as extensions of yourself. That’s one of the reasons I think it originated with spaths. The reason though why it’s so popular is because it gives an illusion of control.

    Spaths are the ultimate controllers and egocentrical thinkers, but normal people can have egocentrical beliefs and hang onto some wishful thinking that there is some magical trick to control life, nature, events and other people through just their sheer will. Both are ego-issues. We all need our egos in order to have and exert will. But when the person is imbalanced and still depends on validation from the outside world, and unable to live with the fact that there is no control beyond our own emotions, words and actions, then magical thinking lurks behind the corner. I understand it though. The LOA seems like an appealing compromise between wanting to see someone else as an equal and yet still have the ability to exert control in a way you’ll be happy. More, if everything goes great, then it can be seen as this huge compliment by the universe of your mental and emotional state. And while it’s sadomasochistic to blame your own subconscious when people treat you badly, it also seems soothing to believe, ‘If I’ll change my thinking, which I can do, I’ll have nothing but good happen to.’

    It saddens me deeply to see victims clinging to it, because it shows they still rely on validation outside themselves instead of self-validation. It shows they have no clear view on responsibilities yet. It shows they have not yet learned the most fundamental you can learn to at least remain unphased by spaths as much as you can. And yes, sadly enough, it’s a type of meme where both the bad and good things happening reinforce the belief, even though it is actual contradicting evidence.

    But it angers me especially when I see someone with such influence and following in the survivor community not only falling for it, but promoting it. Then they are doing the opposite of helping, healing and empowering. They are preserving stinking thinking within victims instead.

  4. Jill,

    I rewrote my original post for the site. It likely would have been taken down as well. This was a much more tame version. I wanted to provide some support of people on that board who may have been made to feel the insecurity and cog/diss that comes with being ‘blamed’, on the very site that purports to support their healing.

    My intention was to say that believing in this is NOT required for healing.

    I was also interested in how upsetting it was to me to see it there. It saddened and angered me.

    Egocentrical, yes. Couldn’t think of it!!!! I have had my own issues with some egocentricity. I believe this was one of my vulnerabilities to the lovebombing and distorted thinking of the predators I’ve known. If my own thinking had some magic in it, then I certainly couldn’t hold this against anyone else.

    Stinkin’ thinkin’ indeed.

    • Jill and Slim, this is a really terrific discussion because it speaks about perceptions, and my personal perceptions were that I was invisible, etc., and that everyone outside of me was deserving and worthy of whatever I had the ability to give. I never learned otherwise. It’s been an interesting journey to make these discoveries and peel back the layers to identify things about myself that I was blind to.

      Slim, I “get” the vulnerability to the lovebomb – I’ve always been vulnerable to that, AND the pity-ploy. It’s such a relief to me, personally, to learn how to validate myself instead of depending upon others. And, it’s outside of what’s familiar to me, as well.

  5. Truthspeak,

    I hear you. It’s a real process learning how to validate ourselves. Well, first FIND ourselves, then validate!

    I find that I am more repelled now by flattery and sad stories that come too soon, and/or too often. Something about the timing of this kind of sharing now alerts me, and I feel repelled, instead of drawn in to help.

    What a relief!

  6. I have written an addendum to this article, after the conclusion. It is a response to some of the criticism on it I have received.

    • Jill,
      your comparison of the LOA to psychpathic mind sets reminded me that psychopaths will often begin their lies and cons with a grain of truth. That grain is enough sometimes, to anchor their lies into reality and convince others to believe the rest of the lies.

      The grain of truth is that our focus changes our perspective. Spaths extrapolate that to mean that our (their) perspective is the actual and only reality. If that isn’t narcissism, I don’t know what is!

      Many people actually mistake perspective for reality and we should consider that a red flag, in my opinion.

      The LOA argument could also be attributed to semantics. The meaning of the word reality is not the same as perspective. But as we know, psychopaths have trouble understanding the meaning of words…

  7. Jill, it still amazes me just how many people think truly that the “law of attraction” is REAL and that thinking positively about X will bring that into our lives just by THINKING it. If it were true, how many people would win the lotto simply by wishing it were true.

    I think sometimes I have acted like I believed that wishing would make things true…like changing my son or other psychopaths in my life…but wishing didn’t change them, and like you did with the guy in the bar, they will approach us, test our boundaries and if we don’t REPEL them they will enter into our lives. It behooves us to “buyer beware” in business and personal life too…if we “buy into” the shiat they sling, we will surely pay through the nose.

    Thanks for this great article. Those people who believe in fairy tales and profit by their “feel good” new-agey advice are only fooling others. There are too many people out there peddling themselves as GURUs to “help” other people, mostly to sell their books and their blogs. The truth is less “sweet” but it is only the TRUTH that will set us free! Thanks for your insightful articles.

    • Jill, the people who hold fast to the “Law Of Attraction” as being some sort of mystical FEEL GOOD solution to Life’s Challenges are sadly misinformed and in total denial. Sending out “good vibes” to the Universe with the expectation that “good things” will be attracted by this simple act is not true. Bad things happen to good people. There is nothing that can alter this inevitability – we will all experience something that is painful no matter how positive our outlooks are.

      I finally understand what the “Law Of Attraction” really is, and it’s not warm-and-fuzzy, nor is it a New Age feel-good solution. It is a false belief that we will be surrounded by good people and showered with “good things” if we are trusting, loving, and caring about the world around us and the people who inhabit it. And, that simply is …………. not …………….. true.

      Believing that there is “good” in everyone and that everyone “deserves a second chance” might seem altruistic and “kind,” but it’s one of the beliefs that “attracted” the most abusive and disordered people into my life. I trusted these people to care about me as much as I cared about them, and it wasn’t possible. The false interpretation of the “Law Of Attraction” allowed for me to live in denial to such a degree that I lost everything not once, but twice, to two vastly different human predators.

      Today, I only attract people of GOOD INTENT because I’m building boundaries and recreating a system of beliefs that are based upon facts and observations, rather than wishful thinking and false hopes.

      I appreciate your insight, Jill…………and, OxD is 100% spot-on: “The truth is less ‘sweet’ but it is only the TRUTH that will set us free!” Precisely. “Truth” doesn’t have to be pleasant, painless, or agreeable. It just IS. 😉

  8. I think your perspective on the law of attraction is most logical. Great article and source of useful information. I appreciate having had the opportunity to read it. Thanks for suggesting I read it!

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