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Apocalypse of the Psychopath — 75 Comments

  1. Same for me Woundhealer. I got numb, then bored, then non-responsive. Then he devalued and dumped me.

    This morning I was thinking about how angry I was for his devaluation. How humiliated I felt. And how I when I ‘realized’ he staged the entire cycle of destruction, and that ‘I’ hadn’t ‘left him’, I felt angry all over again, and powerless.

    But the deeper truth is there. I did end it (you ended it). My natural responses to his vile superficiality ended it. Thank goodness my body and intuition were working well, because my mind was tied in a knot!

    You wrote: Once they selfishly obtain the object then they evilly destroy the model.

    That is exactly right. They try. But, with many of us, they don’t succeed. Cause here we are, still standing!!!!

    Slim

    • I was forced into a position of leaving the ex spath, and that knowledge ate me up. He forced me to leave. I was angry and bitter for being dumped essentially when I was so good to him and he treated me like refuse.

      But they are all losers and try as they might they will always lose because they will never know love. Evil is the absence of love. We are fortunate to have escaped. He said he had dated girls who attempted suicide, several of whom are in jail for drugs and theft which he was also involved heavily in. Boy, if that wasn’t a red flag! We are very fortunate, indeed, to be right here right now.

      • WHealer,

        It is interesting how sad I got, when I was also ‘forced’ to break it off. He was awful: wasn’t treating me with respect, was becoming sexually abusive and completely dismissive. But instead of outrage and disgust, I was frustrated and sad he was painting me into a corner, and that I would have to, out of self-respect, end it.

        I was too afraid of him, and what he might do if I let him have a piece of my mind. So I never even let myself FEEL the outrage of what went on. Plus, I think I was still plugged into his manipulations that had me feeling obligated to take care of him.

        The one thing I ended up feeling empowered by, and that gave me a sense of control and self-respect was going no contact.

        New folks underestimate the power of deciding and sticking to no contact. In hindsight it was THE most empowering thing I did. Ppaths do everything they can to keep us off-center, lost in fear/obligation/guilt. No contact was a way to clear out this FOG. Any contact and they try to find a way to make us afraid of them, obligated to help them, or guilty that we aren’t being nice/useful/helpful/sympathetic, etc…

        And, yeah, WHealer, mine said all the women he broke it off with said they felt he ‘made a fool’ of them, and betrayed them. He told me this made him feel sorry (riiiiight). And one woman (she left her husband of 17 years for him), that he was seeing when he started seeing me- she continues to believe he is her ‘spiritual teacher’ (riiiiight).

        Thank God that that kind of craziness is no longer a part of our reality. I am soooo glad you never thought of taking those MS Contin tablets!

        Slim

        • Slim, I think this must be a spaths modus operandi when they get towards the end of the devalue stage. Abusive, dismissive, and disrespectful are key elements in their quest to destroy our sanity. At least that is how I felt. I was going crazy when I was forced to leave. I was utterly sad, depressed and heartbroken.

          But then sadness made way for anger and lots of it. That’s when healing started. I’m still angry over three years later, but I don’t imagine him floating face down in a swamp anymore.

          Oh…I remember one email he forwarded me once from his ex ghoulfriend (chow look alike) that had a picture of a jack ass and a joker saying he made a fool of her. Of course she was as much a spath as him. One of his ghoulfriends (Shrek look alike) was recently in the news in Atlanta for stealing thousands of dollars worth of gift cards that were to be shipped to returning military personnel from overseas. I’m positive he was behind it or at least had some connection to it, but no mention was made of the turd.

          It’s not fair, but he has gotten away with so many crimes. Oh well, sweet karma will come.

  2. Woundhealer and Slim,
    It’s amazing that even after 3 years of learning, discussion and study, I’m still figuring new things out. Their rivalry is particularly astounding. It fits right in with the way everything is just a game to them. Winning at any cost is the goal. There’s no limits. My spath actually said that to me, in a moment of projection, “You have NO LIMITS!”

    It’s also interesting that this man had no feelings (and I mean NONE, not even a startle reflex) and was so cool, calm and collected (unless he was acting some shallow emotion). Yet, he became almost insane when he was ready to destroy me and I beat him to the punch by disappearing. The projections started coming out everywhere and the mask slipped constantly. I saw a “thing” emerge (yes he actually called HIMSELF that) and it said, “Do you think I’m a vampire?”

    There really is something under that facade and it’s being held in like a pressure cooker. The feelings that he has suppressed for a lifetime are ripping at him constantly.

    I know other spathy people who suppress feelings and who are venomous with hatred, but this one is the only one I’ve seen with such complete suppression that he can’t even feel his own fear.

  3. Woundhealer,
    It’s inevitable that we compare ourselves with others because that’s how we assess ourselves. So it’s nice that you picked a good person to compare yourself to. Unfortunately, it’s the very ACT of comparing that immediately makes us feel shamed, as though we don’t measure up. So then we become angry. I think that’s what Girard talks about as internal mediation.

    Again, I’m not very well versed on mediation concepts, but I think that comparing ourselves to Christ is external mediation, which doesn’t lead one to rivalry because we can never succeed, yet it does give us something to aspire to.

  4. Hi Skylar and All,

    I love the projections! YOU have NO LIMITS????!!! Really, Skylar, you should learn your limits.

    I had one yell at me, after verbally abusing me for about an hour, and I wouldn’t bend to his will: YOU are The Destroyer of Love!

    Riiiight.

    Another one, the groovy narcissist, used to jokingly add (to SO many interactions it was like talking to your demented grandfather): You think this is some kind of GAME?

    Yep.

    And then another one told me: I talked to my friend. He thinks you are a narcissistic sociopath.

    Uh huh.

    And I bet Mr. Spath was FURIOUS when his 25 year con went awry. He didn’t get to deliver the final blow, that everything else was meant to lead up to.

    That is an entirely different level of investment (by a malignant personality) than I have experienced. Most of my PD experiences were a year or less, with only a few of them trailing me for a short period, and then moving on. (lucky for me).

    • Slim,
      bwahahahah!
      I’m renaming you: Destroyer of Love.
      lol.

      No limits… I should take that to heart!

      “You think this is some kind of GAME”, another tell.

      Mine had one similar to yours: “I talked to my friends and they think you’re ARROGANT.”
      wtf?

      Yes, Slim, the 25 year investment was because I’m really good supply and tight with money. He would do everything possible to spend every last penny and more. I recently realized he was scratching my non-stick pans so I would have to replace them! I would look at the pans and wonder HOW they would get scratches when I was sooo careful. Now that I’ve been away from him for 3 years, my pans never get scratches….what d’ya know?

      Only problem for him was, that I used the lifetime warranty and would send the pans back and got new pans. You know what he said? “You don’t pay for anything do you?” It made him mad that he couldn’t get me to spend more money.

      It’s like their heads are screwed on backwards.

      • Jealous M F-er is what he was. He didn’t want to see you with any money because that had power over him. Money and sex is power to them. I hope he eats government cheese 3 times a day and doesn’t have a non-stick pot with a lifetime warranty to piss in.

      • I KNOW! My gorgeous sink (that I just had installed) was mysteriously cracked one day. My lovely coffee press smashed to smithereens. Two very beautiful, and expensive, Japanese tea cups cracked. The stainless fridge- scratched. The leg on the mid-century couch- broken off. NONE of it accouted for. Hmmmm? Who could it be?

        No respect for the real work of earning a living, and actually paying for things- and taking care of them.

        They are angry babies. Angry, hateful, babies.

        I LOVE that you foiled him Skylar! Lifetime warranty. Priceless.

  5. The projections came at me like a machine gun. The scope and magnitude of his evilness was not something I could grasp until learning the truth, that he is a cold, sadistic sociopath. Just pure hate, cruelty, envy, selfishness, perversion, vindictiveness, and ALL negative energy rolled up into an anthropoid ape’s evolved subhuman form to leech onto and bleed to death everything it touches.

    Yeah, no contact saved me. He didn’t want me anymore but he didn’t want to see me free and happy without him. I think he would have rather seen me dead. Grey rock and no contact got me free and therapy through being here is making me happy once again. 🙂

    • I think you are lucky to be alive, woundhealer. Between his socio envy and the drugs he was using, he could have snapped.

      Believe it or not, I’m seeing them even more clearly now than ever before. The projections are actually TELLS. This is no coincidence or subconscious act. They are experiencing duper’s delight, thinking you don’t know that it’s a tell. And the tell follows the 180 rule: they accuse you of what they are doing.

      I think the part that makes it most unbelievable, is that they are adults. If they were 5 year olds, we would just smile indulgently. Which is a lesson in itself: if they seem childish in any way, run, run, run away.

      • Interestingly, Sky, five is the age I have given ex spaths development. Everything about him was childish, his clothes, taste in food, music, entertainment- everything. He once bought itching powder and poured over a coworkers jacket. I asked him where he put the fake dookie (sarcastically) and he seriously thought that would be a great idea, too.

        As easy as it is to make fun of this seemingly retarded gorilla, his awkwardness hid a very dangerous mind. He called me viscous names all the time and I never once reciprocated. I was afraid of his vengeance. He beat my car up badly with his fists and broke my cell phone and even broke into my house to steal whatever drugs I had available. The strongest thing ive ever taken was Nyquil and the bastard stole that among other items.

        His drug use was extensive. He boasted about trying every drug known to man, even crack and heroine. He knew I never even smoked pot. One day in front of my house in broad daylight he takes a joint out of his pocket and starts smoking it offering me some. I said no thanks and walked in my house. Then he comes in and dares me to drink a beer faster than him. Which I did like a moron.

        From that he tells my mom the next time he sees her that he can make me do whatever he wants. “Watch this!” Then he tells me to drink one of my dad’s beers as fast as I can. Which I do like a moron. Then I throw up.

        That is when my mom got wise and begged me to leave him, saying he was pure evil. I’m still embarrassed and ashamed that I showed such immaturity and brainless obedience to this psycho right in front of my parents.

        I see things crystal clear now. So much has occurred to me that I was not ready to accept at the time. Attempting murderer to look like a suicide was a hard pill to swallow, but after hearing your experience, Sky, I truly believe he would have done it if I hadn’t gone no contact.

        It’s bad to say, but I’m glad he found new supply and moved on. If not for his old girlfriends taking him back yet again and the new skanks and boys at the bar he frequented I might not be here. I was reading about Neil Entwistle and he was procuring tramps from Adult Friend Finder.com when he killed his wife and baby. Ex spath was addicted to that site and I found out a lot, but certainly not all, of his cheating through his meeting people there. He even posted nude pix of himself with just one hand over his tiny weiner. I was shocked at the number of responses he had and trashy people he was doing.

        You know, I just realized something. I never called him even one name when I was living the nightmare although he was brutally mean to me. I think that’s why I make fun of him now and insult him here. It was pent up for so long that I can finally release it.

        Just when I think there could be nothing left to say about this blob of evil, something else pops into my head.

        Thank you for letting me vent it here. I do feel lucky to be alive.

      • The projections ARE giant tells. I have been sifting through them lately myself….and it helps me ‘see’ them more clearly too.

        Here’s another one: YOU hold on to EVERYTHING. Can’t you just let it go?

        Or:

        YOU even flirt with babies!

        Or:

        Don’t you WANT to know what I think is wrong with you, so you can FIX it?

  6. (((Wound Healer)))

    I am SO happy and glad and grateful that you are alive, and that you are here. You vent away.

    I am sorry you have to relive the embarrassment of your past participation in his stupidity and vileness. It is painful to look back and see where we stepped outside of our own values for them. I wore some really slutty clothes (especially when he started with holding sex), and went out like I was a teenager. I am NO spring chicken. I probably looked like an old cougar/fool. I went to a porn store. Gross. I let him talk me into having an ‘open’ relationship (so painful…). I was at his command, day or night, no matter what time. It was totally ridiculous.

    But, the good good thing about that is WE can feel it, and be changed by our own experience, into the people we KNOW we are.

    They can’t feel to this level, and therefore are never changed by their experience. Being human is painful (and grand). I am glad you are fully human.

    I never called the ex any names, or ridiculed him, or in any way called him out. Once you see how rabid they are you don’t want to go poking at them, and get them completely foaming at the mouth. So I understand wanting, and even needing, to call a spade a spade, here….where we will listen.

    Plus, your descriptions are screamingly spot on, and hilarious!

    Much love to you Ms. Healer,
    Slim

  7. Slim, my God, I could have written that! Dressed like a slut, acted like one at his commands, porn store and all. I walked the same exact painful path.

    I felt so sick about myself and at the same time did it all anyway like as if I was a spath, too. Like I was on automatic pilot. Now I understand that is cognitive dissonance.

    Ex spath would say the most ridiculous things to me, too. Talk about 180! He would blame me for things he very clearly did as a way to gaslight me. I see it all now.

    I didn’t want to feel for the longest time. I wanted to be like him about moving on (to new victims); non-chalant, callous, indifferent, unaffected. But you’re right Slim, it is grand to be human. Id rather feel pain than create pain.

    Thank you for listening. Thank you for letting me know you understand. I don’t know how to express how much that means to me and my healing and my faith in humanity!

    Much love to you, Slim, and to everyone here trying to get back their lives.

    Wounhealer:)

  8. That’s what Lucifer does. He makes us be someone we are not: him.
    Erik, from Mimetic Margins, posted this link for me.
    http://www.rebelliousbeauty.com/2012/03/can-you-hate-yourself-and-love-god.html
    It’s about how culture makes us want to become other people that we compare ourselves to.
    Girard says that culture was founded on a murder and a lie. That makes sense, when you consider the culture of beauty.

    I think the author of this article had some deep insights about our culture.

  9. Wound healer, Skylar, and All….

    It is true. They try to make us into their image, with the subtle (and not so subtle) applications of rewards and punishments. And, like you said WH, we start acting spathy, and wanting to be cut off from our feelings- because they have become increasingly humiliating and shameful. They sucker us into that mimetic rivalry with them. Then we get to thinking if we could exorcise our own feelings, and become unempathetic (to OURSELVES, no less), we might be able to play with them. Or even triumph over them.

    But we can’t.

    Actually, I really mean that. Just like we can never achieve the ideal of The Divine, we can’t be the Devil either. This then, Skylar, is like some dark version of external mediation?

    We cannot become them, because we’re not disordered. We have functioning neuronal pathways, fully formed brains, functioning limbic systems, intact pre-frontal cortex. We are biologically wired to feel ‘consquences’. I mean, unless we decide to take lots of drugs and drink…find some addiction to pour those feelings into. Even then I would take a guess and say- we would likely just have to wake up at a later time, or end our own miserable lives.

    In order to survive them we have to stay connected to our humanity- our ability to feel humbled, to soar with joy, to cry in sorrow, and sometimes worry in our fear.

    It’s weird though, it is as if (and I am going to be kinda woo-woo here) they call to some very primitive parts of our selves, that are still lingering around and have not evolved past the ‘tribal’ stages of our total evolution (as a species). Where all those myths and superstitions are still part of the (unconscious) working order of the day.

    I wonder if as the rest of humanity continues to grow further and further from it’s barbaric roots, and the spaths don’t, will they begin to lose all ability to influence us? Will they seem like some ancient throw back, that we have lost our historical connection to?

    Seemingly, as the gap grows wider (and it theoretically will, if they cannot change) they will appear to us as they really are: unevolved, violent, barbaric simpletons.

    Slim

  10. Slim,
    I love your vision of the future. It’s the same as mine. I imagine little children being able to point them out on the street, “Mommy, look at the funny spath.”

    But they are tricky. When they offer the prize, it seems so harmless. We have to remember that it is a distraction from reality. My exspath told me about his latest maneuver.

    He said, “I got S to buy a new helicopter. I convinced him he should have it because he deserves it and he can afford it.” Then he proceeded to tell me all about the conversation.

    For a multimillionaire it seems harmless to buy a $200,000.00 helicopter to enjoy. Unless you know that the spath had other plans for you. Once you have that copter, he will “borrow” your old one. Then, because he’s so grateful, he will offer to help you maintain the new one. The new one gets sabotaged and he gets to keep your old one. He’s been there done that.

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