The name Skylar is Dutch and means “guarded scholar” or “protection through knowledge”.
I blog under this name because I encountered a psychopath and I lived with him for over 2 decades. It was knowledge that saved my life and anonymity which keeps me guarded.
In the last con the psychopath was pulling on me, my house and cars had been willed to him, a couple of life insurance policies were purchased on my life, and the bank accounts had been emptied to cover his “emergencies”. The last goal was to take my business and put it in his name. To accomplish this, he concocted some dramatic stories, provided evidence in the form of props and he had accomplices playing various roles. This lasted for several months as I watched, perplexed at his antics. He came home whispering conspiratorially about finding GPS tracking devices under his truck. I knew he was making things up but I didn’t understand why. I didn’t know he was a psychopath. So I assured him that these were part of a game being played by my brother-in-law, the cop who had just been promoted to Homeland security. B-I-L has a fascination with GPS tracking devices. He even said he was starting a business selling the devices to law enforcement all over the country. He had shown me one of his products. It was marked with an “8”, B-I-L’s “lucky number”. The GPS tracking device my ex-spath showed me, also had an “8”. Coincidence much? It wasn’t long before Black SUV’s were following me around. The spath was buddies with the local cops and with my B-I-L’s homeland goons . He had impressed them with his confident psychopathic presence, groomed them with rides in his stolen helicopter,convinced them that they should hate me for being a woman that needed to be taken down a peg
Eventually, he needed more props and he provided them in the form of secret, grand jury approved warrants (falsified), a business card from a homeland security agent and a voice mail. I didn’t believe it . After 25 years I’ve seen him falsify documents for fun, many times. He calls it “doing a gravel” because he would never use the word “con”
Spath made a mistake when I was allowed to take pictures of the tracking device on the truck. The grand Jury had not approved a truck tracking device, only a helicopter tracking device. The dates approved for the tracking on the warrant were not the same dates The device was on the truck.
At one point during this period, he called his elderly, infirm mother on the phone, cussed her out using the most vulgar language imaginable and told her never to call him again. This was completely out of character and unexpected. It made no sense.
He began threatening me and I feared for my life. One night I packed up and abandoned him while he was out, but I still didn’t understand what was happening. He continued to call my cell phone and to stalk me.
Fortunately, a stranger in a sushi bar began a conversation with me. I was so distraught and confused that I spilled the entire story to him. His reply was, “Oh, that’s a malignant narcissist.” He explained about psychopaths and advised me to “Be boring. Don’t give him any drama. They feed on drama.”
The man I thought had loved me, wanted me dead and I realized that he had never loved me. Not even one day. Everything I had believed in was shattered.
I remembered how he had verbally abused his mother and I also remembered that he had once told me, decades earlier, “You remind me of my mother.” His mother and I are polar opposites in appearance as well as temperament and personality but I understood that his hatred of me had something to do with his hatred of his mother. I called her on the phone and she confirmed that when he left home to live on his own at age 12, he told her, “I will hate you until the day I die.” I began to understand that I was a substitute victim for the person he really wanted to kill, which was his own mother.
I followed the stranger’s advice and spent the next few weeks at the library reading everything I could about narcissism. It was very enlightening and empowering.
In my quest to understand more about substitute victims, I stumbled upon Rene Girard’s Violence and the Sacred.
As I read the book, the revelations kept coming fast and furious. It seemed that everything I had experienced in my encounter with a psychopath had a parallel in the mythology and rituals of primitive cultures. For me, nothing explained the psychopathic encounter as well as Rene Girard’s theories of mimesis and scapegoats.
Through the lens of Girardian theory, the Bible, long held as an inspiration for living a good life, became a guide for understanding the machinations of psychopaths.
Girardian Theory took my shattered reality and gave it new meaning. I believe it can help others who have experienced a psychopath in their lives.