Share Your Story

 

Welcome.  This blog is the place where you can share your story about your encounters with psychopaths. Tell as much or as little as you like.

I’ve learned that the process of sharing and being validated and believed is the quickest path toward healing from the emotional wounds left from the encounter with a toxic individual.

Please don’t use your real name or the real name of the psychopath in your encounter.  The point of telling the story is to learn what happened and why, so we can heal, learn what made us vulnerable and protect ourselves from being targeted again.

I hope that students of Girardian Theory will join us and add their knowledge and insight to this process.

  1,007 Responses to “Share Your Story”

  1. Thanks so much for your kind words, support and insight, Sky. It means a lot to me.

    I agree that gut warns us for a reason. But I also found myself more sensitive to some things in the past than later, when I healed more. Still maybe at that time, when I was oversensitive it was perhaps the RIGHT reaction for me at that given moment warning me that some things were unhealthy for me, even if they weren’t meant in a bad way – after all my system had been shaken and I wasn’t “normal”. So I thought maybe I was being oversensitive to what the friend was saying considering he clearly had no idea what I had been through. He basically “blames” me for a weakness of character – he even said my ex saw a weak personality and took advantage of it and “that’s all there is to the story”. He’s kind of right probably, still something feels weird about him saying that and other things.

    This is not the only thing I heard. On the day I left I heard “you’d kill your child with no remorse, I know” (after he’d learnt I was pro-choice), when he spoke of visiting a clinic for comatose children where he worked on a film, describing how parents interacted with their kids, he said, “you’ll never know such love as you have no patience with chidlren and you hate children” (I never said I hated children, just that they bug me often, eg in public places but it doesn’t mean I hate them, I made friends with some and genuinely liked them). We also talked about Richard Dawkins and, although I’m not an atheist, I generally like him and see where he’s coming from. My friend referred to me as an atheist nonetheless, although I mentioned a few times I wasn’t. I told him Dawkins claimed religion was a source of evil and didn’t even manage to explain why because he exploded, “You’d change your mind if you saw what missionaries in Africa were doing. And you? What did you ever do for another person? Have you ever helped someone without expecting anything in return? Have you saved anyone’s life?”. It was said in an angry tone and I was lost for words :/

    I also “learnt” that I would always quarrel with my boyfriends, as it’s in my nature, and I would have one boyfriend, then another one and another one… And I will analyse them instead of just loving and analysis kills love.

    Oh, and he told me his girlfriend also had bad relationships in the past but despite being sensitive and delicate managed to keep her identity… I tried telling him that narcissistic abuse is sometimes called erosion of identity, for a reason. But it didn’t look like he was listening.

    It did not occur to me he could be envious of my courage, as you say. He’s very successful, I know he wanted me to start doing things I love and my life probably does require an intervention – working a job below my qualifications, falling into the routine and I’m even grateful for them doing what they did. But again, the last few years I was pretty weak and was just slowly getting back on my feet, needed time to rest and figure things out not knowing exactly what to do. He calls it an easy way out, perhaps if I was in Pakistan, as he says, I would quickly figure things out instead of pondering, and perhaps I AM spoiled, on the other hand I know how bad I was at handling stress, new situations, people, so I didn’t put myself out there for a reason. When one assumes his point of view, things make sense, it’s just devoid of feelings, there’s no room for failure, weakness, vulnerability. But I started thinking that maybe it’s the right way to go.

    I’ve had a thought he’s yet another person I’ve alienated. Before my relationship I was totally meek, I don’t recall any clashes with people, including my friend. We got along very well, it’s the last couple of years that is pretty tense. I started to voice my opinions and maybe that’s what triggered it. Before that I was very open and a people pleaser. It just makes me wonder sometimes – he even said the other day girls generally consider him warm and empathetic, I told him I did too but now he strikes me as detached and uncaring. Maybe we’re just not compatible on a more personal level, so just as long as I don’t reveal my real self, it’s fine? He also has some very radical conservative views (and says he attacks not me, but ideas!! lol), he even supports Donald Trump, whom I see as a cartoonish narcissist. Perhaps his support for Trump is telling, yet my friend doesn’t look like a classic narcissist. He is a very spiritual person, who’s “got it all sorted”, who “doesn’t have a problem with life”, who’s not searching anymore but just living his life, successfully, it seems. Who always helps when people ask him and they generally like him. Yes, they do notice that he always got “better” things than they do (meaning if they say “look at this!” or “I like this”, he’ll say “this is [not so good]. look at [what I’ve got], that’s the best”) but they consider it quirks and not anything wrong. That’s why I’m not sure what has happened. He’s spiritually advanced, yet… It even makes me think that being spiritually advanced means not giving a hoot about other people’s feelings as after all it’s their life and their problems and if they feel hurt by you, it’s – again – their problem. Not sure if it’s a bigger deal and some shadow/projection comes into play or he’s just a really narrow-minded person, or he’s so enlightened? I guess the bottom line is I felt bad in his presence, like you described feeling with the attorney. It really tired me hugely. Reason enough to stay away, I guess.

    • Truthspeak

      I haven’t checked the boards for months, and my apologies – I’ve been extraordinarily busy and that’s it.

      Fly83, when I was recovering from the end of my second marriage, I engaged in intensive trauma counseling. Not because I was “broken” or that something was “dreadfully wrong” with me, but because I lost my mind and beat the shiat out of my ex, and this was so far out of character for me that I was fearful of what I had become.

      During my counseling, I was led to confront a number of personal issues. My childhood dysfunction, the unintentional abuse and neglect, extraordinarily unhealthy self-perceptions, absence of boundaries, and a host of other things that I had never been able to define until someone in an OBJECTIVE seat could point them out to me. No, I did not “like” the things that I was made aware of, not one iota. But, in order for me to move forward with my recovery and subsequent healing, I took the option of accepting these vulnerabilities and then making tremendous efforts to retrain my thinking and manage my PTSD.

      What I discovered on this ongoing journey is that I was a very angry person – everything revolved around being “liked” and accepted and validated by other people. So, I did everything that I could to endear myself to other people, including coworkers, bosses, students, neighbors, and people that had NO business within my inner circle. But, I let these people in and allowed them to heap their shiat onto my shoulders because that was what I had learned to do via the childhood dysfunction.

      The more that I learned about my own behaviors, beliefs, and vulnerabilities, the stronger I became in my recovery processes, and I finally began to heal in such a way that I am no longer suspicious of people: what did I do to make them dislike me? Well, I don’t care if people don’t like me, anymore. I have learned to validate myself, approve of myself, and trust my own judgment to the point that I’m able to be friendly, courteous, and even casual with people without feeling obligated to join in their gossip or bad behaviors. I can walk away without a shred of malice or ill-will.

      It’s taken me nearly 5 years to find this space, and once I got a glimpse of what it’s like to feel balanced and confident, I made a personal promise to myself that I would do the hard work, every day, to continue on my healing path for the rest of my life. This is not to say that I don’t backslide into old habits, on occasion. When I do, I find it easier to recognize my own behaviors, correct them, and pat myself on the back for taking the opportunity to learn instead of beating myself up about my frailties. AND……….I don’t need to blame anyone else for the way that I feel unless someone has deliberately done something that was reckless or hurtful. Even then, people are people and I cannot control anyone else, even if I have valued them as close friends. I have even altered my language so that I don’t speak about myself (or others) using negative connotations (Truthspeak, that was SO stupid!), and I cannot describe how much more focus I have on simply being. Just being.

      For my own history, I went from being the doormat peacekeeper – doing anything to please others so that they would like, love me, not abandon me, or hurt me – to being thoroughly disdainful of ALL people who spoke to me, to finding what “balance” meant to me in my own life. I went through necessary stages to learn what feeling calm, confident, and balanced was like. Prior to this, if I ever felt threatened, I adopted an aggressive posture in language, body language, and overall attitude. That only resulted in pushing away GOOD human beings, and attracting the BAD ones. The good folks just couldn’t deal with my issues and behaviors. The bad ones was my issues and behaviors as absolute weapons of destruction, which they used with skill.

      I am lovingly suggesting that you strongly consider the option of involving yourself in counseling with a mature and knowledgeable counseling therapist that specializes in PTSD, abuse, and trauma. It doesn’t mean that we’re broken, defective, or helpless when we reach out for guidance from a behavioral health professional. They have the training and the tools to guide us. If we needed our roof replaced, we’d call a roofer. Well…………we weren’t inherently familiar with how to recover and heal from long exposures to abusive trauma. It’s that simple – we don’t have the skills (YET) to do this on our own.

      Give it some thought and brightest blessings to you.

  2. Truthy,
    It’s good to hear from you! You sound healthy and content. It’s inspiring to know that you’ve made so much progress especially because I know how much trauma you’ve been through. I know your progress is in large part because you’ve worked so diligently at healing, facing your vulnerabilities and practicing acceptance, patience and love for yourself.

    You have also been lucky to find a good therapist, or perhaps you were persistent in looking for one. I know it’s not easy. Finding a good therapist is like finding a good divorce lawyer, I think. I’ve been helping someone through a betrayal and it’s involved teams of both lawyers and doctors. It hasn’t been easy, especially the lawyers.

    If you consider how many disordered people there are out there, and then realize that they all have to have jobs – including working as lawyers and doctors and therapists – you then realize that it’s not going to be easy. You have to take the first few steps on your own. You have to figure out how to spot the disordered among those you are seeking to help you.

    Though we can learn to spot them early on, sometimes we just don’t want to accept what we are seeing. We wonder how it’s possible for there to be so many disordered people walking among us. Well, all you have to do is look at the state of politics these days. Look at how many people are willing to have Trump as president. That will give you a starting point to understanding the epidemic.

    • Truthspeak

      Hi, Sky!

      I’m not physically healthy, but I’m definitely on my emotional healing path!

      Finding a therapist can be a challenge, but there are a number of factors that play a role in choosing a “good” therapist that will actually guide a client towards recovery and healing. And, for my part, the majority of the therapists that I have met are human beings with their own issues – I kept that in mind when I sought out a counselor after I ended my marriage.

      The first thing is finding a means to pay for counseling. If insurance won’t, then visit the primary care physician and tell them that there are extreme issues of depression and anxiety which will not happen to be far from factual if we’ve experienced trauma. Additionally, most major religious organizations offer very inexpensive counseling, though this can be problematic for those of us who were involved with a psychopath because “forgiveness” is a strong subject and many clients become VERY uncomfortable in discussing intimate details that were key aspects of their abuses.

      The second thing to do is to contact whatever local mental health hotline is available and ask for several names of practitioners that are familiar with PTSD, abuse, and family dysfunction if those issues are present. MEET THEM ALL, if necessary. A therapist is not our best friend or pal. A therapist is a practitioner that listens, observes, asks probing questions, and then provides tools and techniques to manage our issues. Period. That’s it.

      The next thing to approach is the age and experience of the therapist. A young therapist is fresh out of school, lacking in personal experience, hasn’t embarked upon their own recovery/healing journeys, and does not have the professional maturity to effectively guide a client, safely, towards their healing paths. A therapist in their 30’s-mid 40’s is likely preoccupied with their own family dynamics, raising children, managing their partner relationships, dating, etc., and cannot reasonably be expected to be “present” with each client. A therapist in their late-40’s and older typically has their own life’s experiences to bring to the table and they’ve worked through the burnout and apathy and learned how to maintain understanding and compassion without absorbing their clients’ issues as their own.

      A “good” therapist asks hard and probing questions. Most people quit therapy because a therapist has picked at a wound and the client becomes uncomfortable or the therapist points out a behavior characteristic and the client takes personal offense, rather than examining the observation without applying their emotions to the examination. We don’t want to own our vulnerabilities, bad choices, or errors in judgement. We don’t because it means that we aren’t perfect, that we don’t have all the answers, and that we “need” help. I know that this was the hardest part for me to overcome: I could not manage my issues on my own, and I realized that I was NOT going to recover and heal under my own power. I absolutely needed the assistance of a seasoned guide who had the ability to call a spade a spade, and not take offense when I balked, became angry, or took their objective observations as a personal affront.

      Yes, there are disordered people practicing in medicine, mental health, politics, education, and spiritual venues – there always has been, and there always will be. But, I had to take a leap of faith, or not. I was faced with a situation where my survival depended upon my willingness to seek help, open up, tell EVERYthing, and put my fears aside. This was an option, not a mandate. And, I am so, so, so grateful that I chose that option. I am part of a women’s support group that was formed during my therapy a couple of years ago, and we meet each week to help ourselves and one another to remain on our our paths, encourage personal growth, and to reaffirm that we are each worthy and deserving of living balanced lives. Happy? On occasion, but it’s intermittent. I am content with being – even on those days when I’m falling back into old habits. Each event is an opportunity to learn and grow.

      There have always been “bad” people. There always will be. We are growing them up in the millions, and the only way that I can protect myself from being scammed, abused, and left for dead, again, is to remain diligent in my own progress and to work at controlling myself, my reactions, my beliefs, and my vulnerabilities. I can’t prevent other people from doing whatever it is that they’re going to do, but I surely can grab my own issues by their proverbial horns and wrestle each of them down, as needed. And, learning to trust myself has opened the door to trusting others that have earned it. And, I am STILL learning about this precious vulnerability: trust.

      And, the bottom line here is that not all people are psychopaths. Some people are just azzholes while others are careless or reckless. But, I have learned that there are some very good people out there, even if they have their own issues, and that the world doesn’t have to be a terrifying place for me, anymore. Because I’ve begun to develop self-esteem and self-confidence AND self-worth, I can trust my own judgement about other people, and if those folks don’t turn out as I had expected them to, then it’s my problem, not theirs – they’re just being whom or what they are, and I need to go back to the classroom and fine-tune my instincts, again. It doesn’t mean that I’m a failure or that I’m stupid. It just means that I’m a human being, and I’m just fine as long as I continue learning.

      It’s good to “see” you, as well, Sky! I hope that you are well! 🙂

  3. Hi Truthy and sky! Good to see you both!

    Truthy, before I even read your post I had started looking for counselling again and once again became disappointed. There is a lady in my town who specialises in trauma, abuse and PTSD, including the application of techniques such as EMDR and brainspotting. So I went to see her. The session went well, I thought, and she had some good insights. I was excited to work with her. However, a few days later she sent me an email saying she figured she wouldn’t be a good therapist for me and couldn’t commit because of other things she had going on. I think the real reason is something else. During the session I told her I had made complaints about 2 psychologists in the past and she seemed concerned. She herself called my relationships with them abusive. However, she also expressed concern that I would report her if she “didn’t get it right”. So I asked her, “Do you think I made complaints because they didn’t get it right or because they were harmful?”, to which she said, “you’re right, it was because they were abusive”. And we continued with the session. However, I think she still preferred to be on the safe side or i don’t know what to call it… and gave me up. The reasons she gave don’t hold up, as she apparently did have the time to take on a new client.

    I was very disappointed and discouraged. I went to see a different therapist, who did not specialise in the issues I deal with, but had knowledge of them, so she seemed good enough. And she was – however it was very draining on my budget and because I had to be more careful about the money due to some changes at work, I had to quit seeing her. Also, to be honest, I wasn’t sure if she was worth the money. Later, I arranged one more session with someone the first therapist recommended as specialising in working with abused women. She’s far away from me though and financially and practically speaking I had to admit to myself that it would be a burden – so I gave up. Possibly I might try free therapy, but for now I’m taking a break.

    I understand how therapy may be helpful – I actually felt I benefited from all these sessions with the therapists I just described. It gives you a safe space to express yourself and also some perspective, valuable insights. However, I don’t want to glorify it and I’m especially wary of the issue of denial or resistance – it is a common claim that the client does not want to confront something about himself and therefore disagrees or is resistant to the truth about her/himself. However, it often breeds abuse – anything you rightly disagree with will be labeled as resistance, it’s a no-win for the client. I’ve been there – I was open-minded enough to accept different “truths” about me, such as that my expectations of men were unrealistic, my ex had a healthy self-esteem and loved me but I just didn’t want to accept it, I would feel the same in any relationship, I was hard to please, I needed everybody to adore me, I had a romanticised idea of love, my ex was hurt and I didn’t understand the gravity of his wounds, and so on, and so forth. Of course I don’t have to say where these “insights” led me. So, I’m very wary of therapy, If it doesn’t feel good, it’s not necessarily because you’re being presented the truth about yourself and you just don’t like it; it might well be your reasons for resistance are very valid. So if I shun therapy it’s not because I’m scared of learning about myself – in fact, I was very eager to a few years ago and it didn’t go well; it’s more that I’m afraid of yet more mind-games. I prefer to keep it simpler now – if things don’t feel good, I try to leave it at that, I am learning to trust myself.

    • Truthspeak

      Fly83, the most recent disappointment with the therapist is unfortunate and I do feel badly for you. You’ll find your path in your own way.

  4. Fly and Truthy,
    I also tried looking for therapy through church services and was more than disappointed. It might be that talk therapy may not be for everyone, just like the 12 steps do not work for everyone. But that doesn’t mean that participating in it wouldn’t be of some value.

    I’ve found that different people I’ve known in my life have added to my insights about myself. It’s as if each of them provides a different mirror for a different part of myself. Fly, you mentioned that even the therapists that didn’t work out for you were helpful in their own way. Just interacting with others can be helpful in learning about ourselves, even though it can often leave us feeling uncomfortable. I have to admit that most of what I’ve learned about psychopaths and their victims, comes from having interaction with psychopaths or other disordered types. They have their own insights to share, especially if you become close to them. They will let you in on their way of thinking. Of course you won’t always like what they say and if you aren’t aware of what they are, it leaves you feeling dirty and slimed. So if you’re going to study spaths, it’s best to pick one that doesn’t have a very good mask. That way you can stay a bit more grounded in reality. Being who we are, we probably will still feel the tug of the charm and pity ploy. We’ll still feel the need to soothe their rage.

    Some therapists (like some friends) try to work on your self-esteem. They remind me of the Stewart Smalley character played by Mike Myers on Saturday Night Live. That might be nice for a while but not realistic. Other people offer more constructive criticism, perhaps like a session of cognitive behavior therapy. CBT is more aimed at awareness of our actions and thinking patterns.

    For myself, I have a need to see things philosophically. Things need to make sense in a scientific kind of way. When I study human behavior and spaths, I compare our behavior to the electrons which become polarized in a capacitor before they are released in a jolt of electricity. Or I compare psychopaths to specific predatory insects or mammals.

    That’s why Rene Girard makes sense to me. He compares human behavior to religious rituals that we can observe outside of ourselves. He sees the patterns of these rituals in different cultures over time.

    No matter how scientific our observations are, we never can be completely outside of our cultures, because we are human. Interaction with other people is still part of being human. Even psychopaths are unwittingly and unwillingly human. The therapist can help us learn better boundaries, not just by explaining them, but also by allowing us to practice boundaries in a safe environment, where we don’t have to feel slimed if we make mistakes. I know a therapist who keeps a big sign in her office. It says, “Mistakes are Allowed.”

    Remember the joke about the young man who went to ask the wise old man for advice? He asked for the secret to success. “Good judgement.” replied the old man. “But how does one develop good judgement?” asked the young man. “Bad judgement.” said the old man. The more mistakes we experience, the better our judgement. Hopefully.

  5. Fly,
    I’ve also been thinking about how I used to interact with my ex-spath. I would always tell him the truth.
    I remember one conversation in which we were discussing his videography. He had shot a wedding for a couple and some friends of his were making fun of some aspect, perhaps it was the music, I don’t remember exactly. I told him that I didn’t know why his friends said what they did but that he could always count on me to be completely honest in my opinion. Whether good or bad, I would always tell him exactly what I thought of his work. That’s my nature. And it was a stupid thing to say to a narcissist. It’s like telling Hitler that perhaps his mustache looked silly and not expecting to be tortured and killed.

    Today, as I mulled over that conversation, I began to think that I wasn’t sensitive enough. I realized that I probably made him feel bad several times during our relationshit because of my tendency to be brutally honest. He has a tendency to hold grudges and I realized that they built up over time until he despised me. I began to think I was partially responsible for his hatred of me. Then I snapped out of it.

    There is nothing I could have done to change his cruel and sadistic nature. He has no other way to relate to people other than to feel hatred and resentment. So,it might be a good thing to scrutinize how I might trigger people to become defensive when I speak my opinion so bluntly. We should all be aware of WHO we are being honest with.

    The fact is, I really don’t see myself changing. This is how I am. And he isn’t going to change either. It’s actually amazing that we lasted 25 years! I give him credit for being able to keep his mask on for as long as he did while stewing in his resentment of me and my narcissism. lol.

    My point in bringing this up, is that therapy is kind of like that. It’s important to be able to accept our flaws because that’s the only part we can choose to change (if we want to), but we don’t have to accept that we are the only ones who were wrong. Seeing the other person’s responsibility is important so we can learn to avoid being so forthright with people who will react with even more brutality, than our brutal honesty.

  6. Sky,

    As for therapy, my recent experiences were overall good, despite the facts described. It was a FAR cry from what I had experienced from mental health professionals before. And I experienced it, mostly, I think, because they didn’t have the framework for my relationshit, plus I was very inquisitive. The lady I saw recently (the one who resigned) suggested I was too intelligent for them and challenged them. Since they didn’t like to be challenged, they reacted with abuse. I understand this kind of behaviour in people who do not give much thought to human psyche, but I thought a psychologist would not stoop to that, even though it did feel that way for me, still I found it incomprehensible a person who deals with issues of integrity, morality, responsibility and human health would stoop to such primitive means. Yet they did. The issue of bad therapy is a trauma in itself for me, a huge part of the story. But the recent experiences showed me what therapy can be like or what it is supposed to be like – I did not feel judged or haphazardly analysed or shut up. Not only did the therapists provide a space for me to express myself, but they also had the right framework, that is they knew about emotional abuse, narcissism/psychopathy and trauma. And if I choose to look for therapy again, I will seek therapists like these – and will avoid any mind games or something that doesn’t feel right or makes me cringy/uncomfortable.

    I have done a lot of thinking and reading, still doing it, and I can see what I was like and where I went wrong. Of course I wasn’t perfect – if I’d been perfect, I would not have found myself in the ongoing situation with a spath. I recently talked to a thoughtful person and he said he considers himself a victim of his circumstances, surrounding, upbringing, etc. We weren’t talking about my situation at all, he doesn’t even know it, but I am inclined to agree with him. Looking back at my life – well, I made the wrong choices, mostly out of fear. I did have, in many instances, an awareness of there being an alternative, but chose not to go with it out of fear, of not belonging, of rejection, not fitting in. And I lacked support to be inclined to act on what I really wanted. I didn’t have the right framework either – being fed by pop-psychology I was focused on being perfect, communicating properly, self-reflecting and so on, while no-one at home taught me anything whatsoever about how to behave in human interactions. Since I wanted so badly to belong and my formative bonds were with narcissists, I often acted against my better judgment. By having the right framework I don’t necessarily mean knowing about psychopaths or emotional abuse, etc. But, eg, having the Aristotelian idea of virtues. I recently found out about it – and figured all my life I’ve lacked courage. Knowing that before would have probably helped me a great deal – also in my relationshit, as I would have focused on being courageous, and voice what I really thought. This is some traditional stuff, which seems to be forgotten and abandoned, yet would make so much more sense in terms of values passed on to children than psychological and new age mumbo-jumbo (we seem to live in such a psychobabble culture and I myself took my values from there, lacking others at home). One reason being it assumes the existence of enemies. While modern psychological stuff focuses on the self and the self’s internal world pretty much to the exclusion of people and circumstances around, with the exception of family of origin in early years, and fails to look at the big picture, the broader circumstances, other interactions, etc.

    So, again, I tend to think we are victims of our circumstances. That in fact we are not that much different from one another, but we’re shaped by particular people, experiences, places, doctrines etc. and thus we seem very different. I try to go easy on myself and easy on others as well. Paradoxically, once you realise you’re a victim, you’re no longer a victim or less of a victim. Because you see what exactly shaped you in such and such a way and led you to your choices. You can look back and see the factors and choose to give them less power next time or change your circumstances etc. But, of course, as we are social creatures and other people still affect us, familiar situations may make us easily slip back to the previous less conscious mode.

    Now I am in a pretty comfortable position – I am freer, no longer entangled in emotional games with anyone, plus I see the mistakes I made in the past. I can look back and learn, and treat myself with compassion in the process, realising it was not up to me with the state of awareness I had then. And also acknowledge being human – that despite the knowledge I have gained, the framework etc., I still have emotional needs, I still want to belong, connect and probably – more often than not – some of my unhealthy habits again come into play. Yet again, nobody’s perfect and it’s all part of human condition. I don’t see it in terms of normal vs abnormal, but more in terms of beneficial vs harmful for oneself. This is why I’m skeptical about psychiatry/psychology, which has the tendency to label human issues as disorders/illnesses without looking at a context, instead of understanding and accepting it in its totality, as all human. Well, maybe it’s not a popular stance – but works for me. If you treat yourself as a resultant of what life dealt you with you just see why you did the things you did, made the wrong choices and how that is wrong or bad or imperfect. I think it’s easier to face your flaws then – rather than face them to attain some ideal of perfection. You know you need to change or you’re flawed/imperfect/wrong/whatever not because someone said so and you fall short of a standard, but because you feel something’s wrong with your life and you don’t feel happy. Yes, exactly, you learn about good judgment by bad judgment 🙂

    Oh, and I cut off contact with the “friend” I described in the last post from a few months ago. I figured I don’t need such people in my life. And I don’t miss him at all.

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